Chronicles of an Amateur

.... And Then There Were None

2008-02-11T20:34:00.000-08:00

Had a whale of a time writing blogs. Taking a break for now. Should be back sometime. So until then, ciao. All the best in your life, both personal and professional.

Just Movies....

2008-01-31T06:05:00.000-08:00

Started another blog. :) On movies that I have watched and plan to watch. http://gansmovies.blogspot.com/ You ppl can pop in anytime and take a look. There is currently one post. There will be no posts about Fellini, Bergman, Satyajit Ray, etc, etc..... and all that bullshit. Just my views on movies that I have watched.....

Robo!!

2008-01-27T21:12:00.000-08:00

Oh well, the craze and mania is going to start again!! For now, it seems that Aishwarya has agreed to be the heroine. Hmmm..... so here's a scene from Robo for you folks, exclusively!! Remember that you ppl have seen it here first :)

Human Friend: Eppadi Robo, neenga oru iyanthiram. Ungalukkulla ippadi oru menmayaana manasaa?? (Inspite of being a robot, how are you very gentle?)

Robo Rajini : (Typical Rajini laughter).... Kannaa, naan veliyila thaan Hardware, Ulla epoathumae SOFTWARE!!!! (My dear, on the exterior, I am a Hardware; But on the interior, I am always a SOFTWARE!!)

Thalaivaaa..........

Rants!!

2008-01-14T01:35:00.000-08:00

Dear car/ bike/ auto wallahs,

Hope you people are in the peach of health. My respect for you all has been constantly growing day by day. In the negative sense, that is. The reasons are many. For a start, the traffic signals exist for a reason. In case you didn’t know, they are there to regulate the traffic. So the next time you wait at the signal, don’t press the effing horn all the time. You can use the finger for better purposes. You will get your turn to move. And just because the counter shows 5 seconds, it doesn’t mean that you have the liberty to move and jam the roads for the people coming from other sides. You can be a fucking Neanderthal. But still, the others are pretty civilized. And just because you start moving, the people at the back honk. Your stupid act makes a lot of people to break the rules.

If you switch lanes or plan to over take a vehicle (including mine), use the indicator (yeah, the one that blinks when u push a switch), and use the horn. I am not an effing mind reader to know that you are going to switch lanes. Do use the horn, but please remember that the horn does not power your vehicle. Petrol/ diesel/ battery does. There is absolutely no need to keep your finger on the horn all the time. Once again, you can use the finger for better purposes.

Yep, there is a law for you to wear the helmet while on a bike and we do realize that you can break laws. But understand, you dimwit, that your life comes first. Pray tell me, what’s the use of wearing your helmet on your hand while driving? Your hairstyle is important. But you do need a head for all that. Or do you mean to say that your brain is totally devoid of anything? If people can bear the analogy, wearing your helmet on the hand and driving is very much akin to having a condom on your finger while having sex. Both (on unfamiliar territory) are extremely dangerous. And if you do wear a helmet, STRAP it. There’s no point in having an expensive helmet, but you don’t strap it. I am not going to talk about Bangalore traffic.

This is very much a rant. I am not irritated with everyone out there. And if it does make sense to you, and if you have this irritating habit, please dissuade yourself and your friends from making these mistakes.

Whats In A Name??

2008-01-07T01:22:00.000-08:00

“Names…. Names play a key role in a person’s life. They can make or break a man. They decide what you will become in your life. Take my son. He has started to make his living. He will definitely go places. His name is such. Look at me. If I stand before you as a respectable man in this society, it is because of the name that my parents gave me. My dad always told me that my name was given by Pandit. Ramasubbu.” His dad’s statements weren’t new to him. He quickly moved out of the room before his relatives had a chance to bombard him with inane questions like “When are you getting married?”

He saw his grandfather sitting in a corner. He liked him as he was a proper old timer and was always full of anecdotes about his work and those times. He went and sat near him. “So Rahul, how do you find work?” “It is okay thaathaa. It does get boring at times, sitting in one place. I plan to do higher studies after a year or two and get into a job where I can spread my wings everywhere and not just within ;)”

“Hmmm…. You young guys are not predictable. Good salary, good lifestyle and yet you are not satisfied with life. I guess it was good back then. We didn’t get the opportunity to speak out frankly and blast our bosses. I had a single boss throughout my career. Still we didn’t think about moving to other companies. We were very satisfied with life.” “So how did you vent your frustrations with your boss, thaathaa? You cant keep quiet every time. You do need a channel”

“Well, has your dad ever told you why I named him Vaitheeshwaran in the first place?” he winked. Pandit. Ramasubbu looped in Rahul’s head, as he shook his head and winked back.

PS: Happy New Year, ppl. :)

Divorce

2007-12-23T20:52:00.000-08:00

He entered the house and called for his wife. It had been a long day. He saw her at the dining table. She was putting out his plate for him and she was deeply immersed in thought. He didnt know how to begin. It had been a day full of untoward developments. His mind went back to the meeting he had in the morning.

"I am pregnant", she had exclaimed. He didnt know what to say. He hadnt expected this. The main problem was that they were married. To different people. It wasnt that they hadnt taken precautions. It must have been the first few times.

He served himself Sambhar and Rice. He looked at her and tried to judge her mood. Would she be able to bear the shock after he told her the news? She was pre-occupied. All the more reason for him to tell her and get over with it.

"With this, the situation is getting out of hand, Ram. You need to get a divorce", she told him. He was initially hesitant. But she talked him into it. She was the king in this issue. He agreed to her demands and told her he would tell his wife.

"Latha, I need to discuss with you something. A crisis happened in my office today......". She cut him off before he could finish. "Ravi, can we talk?" He nodded and she continued, "I need a divorce". He asked her whether there was another man to which she replied yes and replied no when he asked her whether there was any way she could think about it. He stopped eating and washed his hands. His termination from his present job would no longer perturb her.

Con-Textual Usage

2007-11-25T19:09:00.000-08:00

Pre Script: Long Time No See!! :)

It has been a general practice (or should it be practise??) in Tamil cinema to mute controversial dialogues or vulgar words in a song. Though the song sounds innocuous when heard, the censor doesnt relent. It mutes it out. All is well, except for the fact that it achieves what the lyricist wanted to do. Send out the meaning of the song to the public.

There exists the same practice in corporate culture. Profanities and F words are not allowed in emails, discussion forums, etc. I guess they employ a filter which has a pre defined list like sex, fuck, etc which takes that word and replaces it with ***. Fine, but I think that it should be CONTEXTUAL BASED, rather than filtering it out every time. You dont agree with me?? Well, take an example: The word "Illustration" was filtered out and replaced with ***. Why? Coz, that word I-L-L-U-S-T-R-A-T-I-O-N, contains the word, LUST. Funny, aint it??

So consider a discussion where people are discussing their place of origin. A guy from Sussex types in, "I come from Sussex". The only glitch is that, it will be displayed as, "I come from ***". Technically correct, yes, but what about the poor guy?? :) Take another example where a guy is leaving for onsite, and his place is Wessex. He wants to say farewell to his forum friends for now. He types in and it gets displayed as, "I am leaving for ***". :) You can imagine the comments that follow this.

I rest my case!! :)

La... La.....Shock...ee...la...laaa

2007-10-08T02:06:00.000-07:00

In the recent spate of Universities giving doctorates to all undeserving candidates, I hereby cast my vote for the Mallu Bomb aka Chechi, Shakeela for the doctorate given by Dr. Prakash University. I am sure that you must be knowing that she is not an undeserving candidate. I can give you a list of her achievements like,

1) She was singlehandedly responsible for resurrecting the Mallu Porn industry.
2) She had previously induced fear in the hearts of stalwarts like Mammooty, Mohan Lal. They went to the extent of getting a stay order for her films.
3) The titles of her films will thrill my Guru Naathar, Thamizh Naattu Singam, TR. Its not everyday that movies with rhyming titles like, "Paappaa poatta Thaappaa" come.
4) At a time when dubbed movies had no scope, her movies were the only ones which could boast of a repeat audience.

Need I say more? I request you all to sign an online petition for her doctorate candidature. I will be sending the mail shortly. As for her wax statue at Madam Tussauds, they have declined the signed petition saying that the amount of wax they have is not enough to make half a Shakeela, leave alone a whole one.

Victory celebrations are already underway, foreseeing her victory. Visitors will be subject to her Belly dance (what else??), for the following song,

(Male)
"Never seen her before act like this,
She makes a Mallu want to speak English,
Entha Molae, Entha Monae....
Shakeela, Shakeela....."

(Female)
"Oh Mallu, when you talk like that....
You make this chechi go mad,
So be wise, and keep on,
Measuring the size of my body......"

Super Computers

2007-09-27T22:18:00.000-07:00

A supercomputer is a computer that led the world (or was close to doing so) in terms of processing capacity, particularly speed of calculation, at the time of its introduction. The term "Super Computing" was first used by New York World newspaper in 1929 to refer to large custom-built tabulators IBM made for Columbia University. More info here in wiki.
India had its own super computers with PARAM and ANUPAM. PARAM was by C-DAC. Incidentally my college is one of a few colleges which have a super computer. And no, I am NOT advertising for my college. My friends will kill me if I do. We always used to joke that they used to have the super computer as a shelf for the portraits of Gods. It’s a custom that the freshers to my college are taken on a tour of the college. We will be shown the room containing the Super computer.

In early 2006, there were talks about a super computer being developed in Bangalore. But it was never confirmed. It was rumored to be a devilishly simple design. One which would make the whole world go berserk with joy. It will be used for monitoring the construction projects and also the climatic changes in and around Bangalore due to the developing industries and the encroachment of the forests. Now, after a year and a half, they have let out the prototype of the super computer. The company responsible for it has still not gone public, and have let out the pics through an unidentified source. Please remember that you are seeing it for the first time here. Not in NDTV, not in CNN, but here. The pic is below:

A computer companion perfecto for a super man. Cya all :)

Gans Gyan!!

2007-09-21T02:13:00.000-07:00

Ishmall Doubt

2007-09-17T02:43:00.000-07:00

One of my friends recently read a book, written by Osho. Yeah, the same guy who gave us the different benefits of using the word, 'fuck'. If you guys havent heard that audio, I request you to hear that. Its much worthwhile than doing your mundane work. Funny and ridiculous to the max. Coming back to the book that my friend had read, it is called "Sex Matters". And herein lies my doubt. Isnt the title redundant. Isnt Sex and Matters the same?? :P

Tamanna

2007-09-12T07:55:00.000-07:00

I had been to Chak De recently when I saw an ad for Tamanna, a textile shop. It consisted of slide shows of females, flaunting their well toned bodies in an array of dresses. The ad finished off with the line, “The ultimate desire of every woman” :-O When you show an array of females and proclaim, “The ultimate desire of every woman”; I mean, I don’t know about a select few, but I can safely assume the majority’s sexual tendency. Showing good / sexy dresses and then saying that as a desire of women is okay. But this? Wouldn’t it have been better for the ad line to have been, “The ultimate desire of every man”, as in, a girl in Tamanna’s dress is sought after by the opposite sex. What say? :)

An open letter!!

2007-08-30T03:01:00.000-07:00

Respected Vijay Fans,
I guess you people will be overjoyed that your ilaya thalapathy has got a Doctorate. Maybe you will host functions, naah, festivals commemorating the same and pour milk on your thalapathy’s statue, posters, etc. But AFAIK, to get a doctorate, you must have done something remarkable/ exciting/ worthwhile in a field. It need not be ground breaking as such. But what exactly has he done other than acting in films befitting his stature, like Pokkiri, etc. If you take the case of Dr. Kamal Hassan, he has taken Tamil Cinema to World heights. His films like Anbe Sivam, Virumaandi, Hey Ram (I can go on), have been welcomed with open arms all over the world. Though he is considered a narcissist and a megalomaniac, he is one of the pioneers of Cinema and thus his doctorate is a well earned one. But Vijay?

If we analyse the career of Vijay, I guess we might find a teeny weeny reason for his doctorate. His initial years in Kodambakkam consisted mainly of soft porn movies like Naalaiya theerpu, etc where every movie had him frolicking with a bottom less girl, I mean, a girl wearing only a white/ yellow shirt, in a bath tub/ in the rain. There was no story. The later years saw a marked difference as far as the frolicking was concerned. It disappeared. Damil kalaachaaram requires the hero to be of noble stature, and he became a good Samaritan, spewing advice to his fans, by speaking to the camera directly. Advices about love and marriage were freely given. But the story? Barring a few movies, it was the same, a big ZERO. 4 dances, 1 dappanguthu, 3 fights…. Well, I guess I am not able to find out. His prowess doesn’t extend to the other departments also. Until now, he hasn’t directed/ written a movie. I do confess that he has acted well in some movies but does that make him a Doctor?

My only grouse is that, the people will come to a conclusion that these days, anyone can buy these doctorates. That just takes away the honor from the people who were awarded doctorates for their services alone and not for anything else.

TECH CHECK!!

2007-08-17T02:48:00.000-07:00

He entered the platform, just as the train pulled in. He ran and stood by the coach he was supposed to travel in. He was by the window seat. “Oh Goody”, he thought and looked around. The train was beginning to get full. This was the ideal train to travel to Bangalore. He looked around at the sea of faces, trying to spot a familiar one. The seat next to him was empty.

“Aren’t you Ravi? I think I know you. You studied at Holy Cross, didn’t you? I was at ‘C’ section and you were in ‘A’ section, I believe? By the way, if you still can’t place me, I am Govind.” He strained his memory; he remembered the name but couldn’t place his face, definitely. But then, what the heck? He had company, and that was all that mattered. He would be able to pass the three hours satisfactorily.

He gave a sigh. That was a long time back. Now, all around him, people were busy with their mobiles; either talking or typing smses. He didn’t blame them. Technology had made the world a global village, true, but it had also created barriers around an individual. Every individual was an island now. Some years ago, you could have spotted a guy, who would have been your friend’s uncle, or your long lost classmate. But not now. People were scared to talk to strangers. He was beginning to dislike technology.

“Excuse me, but is this S4? I got in at the last moment, and so got into the wrong compartment at first.” He nodded as he looked up to see a PYT in her 20s. PYT as in Pretty Young Thing. She occupied the seat next to him. He debated as to whether he could ignite a conversation, but refrained. Though the prospect was enticing, he didn’t want to risk it. He did the next best thing, ala, getting his ipod out. “Oh, is that an ipod?” “Yep, a video ipod, in fact”, he replied. “Cool; nice thing to have when you don’t have a company. You can’t stop technology, huh? By the way, I am Anjani and I work at Infy, and you are?”

“Ravi, WIPRO. Say, you came alone?” he asked her. “Yeah, mom and dad are busy with their work schedule and in any case do you think that a girl can’t travel alone?” He didn’t reply immediately. He had ample time for that. Three hours to be exact, unless or otherwise, luck was on his side and the train got delayed :). No, he had gone back to his musings on technology. Hmmm… wasn’t he telling something about technology?? Oh yeah, he lllloooovvvveeeddd technology!! :)

Random Ramblings 3

2007-08-10T02:53:00.000-07:00

Many people have remarked that I blog repeatedly on marriages. My take is “why shouldn’t I??” All people know that a Marriage is the most sacred institution in the world. But its also the only institution you can enter without any hitches, like CAT, GRE, etc. Amma, Appa, and the supposedly lucky girl, I fervently hope that you guys are reading this. :) Speaking of marriages, the invites these days range from a full fledged brochure, to a simple and sweet card.

One invite that I had seen had full info about the family business. Not that I have anything against it, but then, I guess, my card will have my name, the name of the bride, location of the marriage and a message which says something like, “People who don’t come will get their asses whipped black and blue”

But the one that takes the cake is the limericks by the potential TRs, both male and female. I agree that it is a special occasion and (hopefully) it will occur only once. But playing a poet for that sake?? Hmmm…. Sample this, an invite that I got had something like,

“We are going to start this magical journey,
Where the actors are him and me…”

And something of that sort. Ok, I made that up, but then, I hope you get the gist. But then, time can change anything and maybe I will change my outlook and have some crap like this on my invite after all. If I have it my way, expect a card which will have the following:

“Its been a long time since we came of age,
So we thought, “heck, why not marriage?
We all need children, a boy and/ or a girl,
Tis the only way to make them, legal”

Cya for now.... taataa. For phirends reading this, please dont refrain from sending me your invites. They are always accepted!! ;)

Software (Re)Cycle

2007-07-31T05:46:00.000-07:00

I recently got a mail from my relative/ friend who was explaining the s/w business cycle to me. I found it funny, and so here it is, in my blog, with his permission

Story of IT development

External Business: We need Mangoes

It Analyst Specs: Yellow colour fruit with seed in the center about 300 gms each

IT Dev Design: Ahhh!! it’s a big orange that’s what they need, the spec mistakenly spelt it as ‘seed’ instead of ‘seeds’, see this is exactly the same thing we gave our previous customer :)

IT Top mgmt: Now this is what we call cost saving because of reuse of code…as per our management strategies…Blah…Blah…Blah….we’ll save literally all the money in making it

IT Test: Test the seed…test the color…….test the wt…..if all are right, pass it…even if it is a small watermelon, that is fine

Finally to the customer: Over ripe water melon.... :)

Customer….Sheepishly, waw!! we got a new product we never new we wanted…thanks

IT top mgmt: Please pay for a Mango, Orange and a watermelon

Customer: wh…wha….what?

IT top Mgmt: But U r bound by the legal agreement to do so…

Customer: well thanks…herez Ur cheque (We’ll pretend to the world that we really made a smart decision of computerizing some thing, Ur’s is a great company "fill in the company motto", we only asked for a mango and look we got a 3 in 1…now that’s value for money U see….we have to say this lest we’ll look like fools to everybody)

Moral:

The only people creating the revenue in the IT industry are the legal experts J…no wonder we never get an ‘Exceeded’ in our appraisals, we got to be High class conmen or Legal goons to make revenue impact to qualify for an ‘exceeded’ rating ;)

Sextet in the Office!!

2007-07-19T23:58:00.000-07:00

The news is out at last!! After a few months, you will be able to see people at work (??) (Sat-Work ) even on Saturdays. The reason is that, since the rupee is strengthening, it is essential that ppl work on Saturdays to compensate. But what do the software people think about this? Read on…..

“This is fantastic news. This will help me in achieving my goal. I am already in the last stage of that. By any chance, do you know how to play the last stage in Max Payne? It’s tough playing it when the manager is looking at you” a free pooler for the last eight months said this.

“Yes….. yes…… yes yes yes yes …………..yes yes yes yes …….yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes. From now on, all the lovebirds will have one day less to be together. I am constantly annoyed by the bickering of these people in MG road, etc. Plus, on Saturdays, these people will use the company phone to chat for hours, thereby depleting the office resources also. One stone, two mangoes, hah”, a guy remaining single for 8 years remarked rather strongly.

“Fortunately, I have no such issues. My gal is in this company only. Guess along with the company, I have also acted with foresight. Now if only, I can move to the same project………..”, the guy’s voice wistfully trailed off.

“This is an outrage. We will not accept this. Movies like RDB have not been wasted on us. We will start an sms and email campaign using the same office resources. We will not accept any call on Saturday, except Nature’s call”, the first voice of protest broke out.

“I have been coming to the office on Saturdays all these days. But I have been reimbursing the amount all these years. So my vote depends on the reimbursement factor”, remarked the guy who has reportedly bought a car and is contemplating a house with the reimbursement amount.

“Frankly, I don’t see what the fuss is about. Why should people crib about working? I have been doing this for the last ten years. I have always been providing support to my people”, a senior guy told us. That the senior guy does not work even on weekdays, but only provides support, is a different case.

S&M gets gay!!

The S&M people at the service companies were overjoyed to hear this news. Err… S&M means Support & Maintenance. Don’t think otherwise.

“All this while, the development people thought low about the Support group. Now on, we will be there in the office, jobless as always, but we will see to it that we drive the point home with the dev guys. Think about the pleasures that we will get. No customer will be there in the office to give us work, whereas the dev guys will be slogging as always”, a guy jubilantly remarked.

Various people, various reactions…. What next??

--Aasaami, Thamaasu TV

Just Chill

2007-07-18T01:42:00.000-07:00

Venue: A Popular Restaurant
Seating Place: Prime

A woman at the counter, with her guy beside her

A: That female is looking good, (the other two take a look and reply in the affirmative). But that guy looks like a dummy. Avanukkellaam ipadi amaiyuthu.....

B: That dummy is the one who made her a mummy. So keep quiet.

A: But hey, they keep looking uneasily at others. Something fishy, really fishy....

C: Probably, its his neighbour's wife.....

Loud laughter ensued. Ah, it is sessions like these that invigorate the mind!! :)

Got back home to find out that D is doing a great service to the telephone industry, well, AIRTEL!! One missed call from that someone, and D will disappear for a long time!! Hmmm.... everyone's settling down.....

* --> Names coded to protect privacy!! :)

Future Life :)

2007-07-12T05:37:00.000-07:00

PS: This is not my gyan, but my friend's, who doesnt want to be named!!

Thats Life

2007-07-09T07:01:00.000-07:00

“Thank you, Thank you”. He felt odd shouting these words to the very thing that irritated him. Maybe even you would, if you were in his shoes. He wouldn't have uttered these words even if he was in an intoxicated state. He didn’t know whether to attribute his particular trait to atheism but he got irritated when he heard the clanging of a bell. One “clang” was enough for him to get irritated, and that was the reason he shunned temples. But life is generally not fair. It never is, to some people. You wish for the best, but life thinks otherwise. As the saying goes, “Nobody dies a virgin; Life screws everybody”. It puts you in a position that you normally avoid. That’s why it placed him in Pizza Hut. There it went, a “clang” again, and a “Thank you” with a beaming smile again.

Changing Times!!

2007-07-05T23:35:00.000-07:00

He looked out through the curtain as his son led his friends out of the house. He could see them arguing with him. What could his son do? He had asked his son to make his friends to leave.

“Dei, sorry da. My parents are quite conservative da. They don’t like my friends staying with me, as I have a sister. Very sorry da, but I cant help it. Don’t mistake me da.” “Machi, whats the problem with your dad? She is like a sister to us. Why doesn’t he understand? Anyway, hope he understands one day. Cya for now”

He walked into his room, with a wry smile. That incident, which took place 20 years ago, was still etched in his mind. Times had changed. He had a daughter now

Hydera - Good

2007-07-02T04:03:00.000-07:00

Warning: Contains some sexual innuendos!!

As some people would have known, I had been to Hyderabad on a week’s leave. The prospect of not working for a week is an ultimate pleasure for a corporate, mental, that is!! ;) It was an awesome trip, and I got to visit all the tourist spots in and around Hyderabad. Golconda fort, Salarjung museum, Ramoji film city, Charminar. Of all the spots that I went, I liked Golconda fort and Salarjung museum. But I missed out on the Lights show in the fort. :(, where different parts of the fort are lit with accompanying music. Official vilakku pidichufying, U see!! It is supposed to be an awesome spectacle!! :(

But the part that struck me was a gigantic swimming pool, with a fountain bang in the middle. That was supposed to give out rose water. The reason why I am going to such details is because; this is the pool where a king used to swim with his….. hold your breath, 360 wives!! :) I guess the benevolent king wanted to increase India’s population at the risk of losing his life!! 365 days in a year, with 5 days of official leave = 360 wives.

Salarjung museum was different. It houses 2 floors of extensive and exquisite antiques collected by Salarjung 3. A must watch is the Veiled Rebecca and one more statue where the front side is a male and the back side is a female. The Veiled Rebecca is simply superb. A statue of a female with a veil on her face, everything is marble. I am still unable to decide whether the veil and the statue are separate, even though the plaque says so. Everything is white except for a mole on the thigh. Another thing that caught my eye was a walking stick. It had a small statue in a bent posture on the handle. My relative pointed the statue to us, and said, “Hey look, a man on the walking stick”. It took a discerning eye to realize the truth (mine of course), and I told them, “Uh, it’s a woman”. :).

Enter a room full of paintings, and we were amazed at the collections. I guess Salarjung 3 must have the most number of nudes in his collection. I can see some people giggling, but I can honestly tell you that you wouldn’t find them offensive at all. It was very aesthetic!! I mentally chose 3 paintings that I would have liked in my house. But me being a “Sala, Junk”, I doubt if my house will ever have those type of paintings. :(

Last but not the least, there was a gigantic clock in the hall in the ground floor. It houses 2 miniature men. One man banging a drum for the seconds, and one more man who comes out through a door and rings a bell every hour. The number of times he rings the bell is proportional to the time. That was very good.

Every other spot was good, from Charminar to Ramoji Film city. A week to be cherished certainly!! :)

False Impressions!!

2007-06-27T21:31:00.000-07:00

Senior looked at his watch. His son's tuition was about to end. The students were descending the stairs. One more parent picked up a conversation with him. "Sir, you have a very good son. Generally, the boys keep looking here and there, and check out the girls. But your son is not like that. I have always seen him looking down while coming from the class. You have brought him up well sir."

Junior got into the car, as senior started it. "You know, a father of a girl, praised you today. It seems he has observed that you dont look at girls when you come out from the tuition class. Nice to hear this. I am happy." He noticed the grin on Junior's face and asked, "Whats the matter?"

"The road from the tuition to our car is muddy and full of Dog's poo. Hence I was looking down and walking so that I dont soil my shoes and pant. You know me. Do you think I dont look at girls?"

Senior, "??###??##?#?#?#"

Starting Trouble!!

2007-06-25T03:13:00.000-07:00

He didnt know how to start. He was sitting across her in the restaurant. She looked achingly beautiful in her red tops and blue jeans, even though she had very less make up. He had always liked her. "Today would be the day", he had told himself. But somehow he wasnt able to. He just wanted to blurt it all out and run away from there without waiting for her response. "Latha....", he started. "Munbe vaa....", a popular song started playing through the speakers. "They are playing our song", she remarked. She blushed when he looked at her after a long pause. She smiled and he smiled back. He felt one with the song.

The Boss!!

2007-06-19T00:09:00.000-07:00

I saw Sivaji at last, yesterday. Was it worth all the hype? My views on the same:

Note: Contains minor spoilers!!

Positives:

1) Rajini: Thalaivar is in full flow in the movie. His mannerisms, style, dialogues all rock. Especially, “Panni thaan koottamaa varum. Singham,…..”, after shaking off the thugs, “singleaa thaan varum”. *Whistle Whistle*. His comic act with Vivek is very good. But I didn’t like the romantic part. Got irritated after some time. Motta Boss style and sequence was the best, esp, “Sivajiyum naanae, MGRum naanae”.

2) Vivek: I guess, Vivek thought it better to leave the social messages to Shankar. For once we are spared from his “Ada paavi, ada paavi….” He is spot on with his one liners, and comic interludes. With “Vara vara chinna pasanga ellaam virala thookittu style panraanga”, he cocks a snook at Chimp and all the other rookies!!

3) Shreya: Absolutely $exy!! As usual, in the scenes, she is the embodiment of Thamizh kalaachaaram, and in the songs, Abachaaram Abachaaram!! But *drool* me no complaining!! :)

4) Songs: The picturisation is cool!! The song “Athiradee” is a nod to Robert Rodriguez’s movies, esp, Desperado!! The guitar handle used as a gun, the guitar case used as a rocket launcher, the scene where the enemies attack Antonio Banderas and Salma Hayek on the bed, is used in this song. Sets are lavish in “Sahanaa” and “Vaaji Vaaji” songs

5)Technical aspect added to the final gloss. Stunts were good, though me thinks that Peter Hein is still in awe of the Matrix. The final fight is sort of a “The bride” (Kill Bill) meets Neo (The Matrix).

Negatives:

I found only one negative aspect, Story. Agreed that we shouldn’t see any story in Rajini’s movie, which is usually a rags to riches story. But having a half baked one, and that too, an oft repeated theme, is too much. Give us Padayappa any day, I say. I lost all my fondness for Shankar after Anniyan. He is proving out to be a DJ in movies, like, “Add a bit there, and here”, and you have a one man vigilante movie, albeit with some variations :( Hope India becomes a better country soon so that Shankar spares us from his wild lectures on making India a super power and goes on to make better movies which he is so much capable of.

So did I like the movie? Yep. Will I watch the movie again? You bet!! :) “Paera kaetta chumma athiruthullaa??” *Whistle Whistle*

THALAIVAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! :)

Made in Heaven

2007-06-17T22:47:00.000-07:00

He:

He was an easy going type. He never regretted his past, and never thought about the future. He was a software engineer, but his heart belonged somewhere. He was an extreme extrovert, and made friends, wherever he went. A self confessed romantic, he fell in love with everything, from nature to matinee idols. He loved to procrastinate, and ended up doing that!! He did all the fun part in his company, and was respected for that.

She:

She was an extreme introvert. She was a careful planner, and even if you ask her now, "What will you be after 5 years?", she will have an answer for that. She was an investment banker, and she was one of the few who let her career take over her life. She was a cynic in most of the cases, and never trusted anyone forthright. She had few friends in her life, but she trusted them with her life. She took all the managerial decisions in her work and she was respected for that.

Their marriage was fixed on the 13th of July.

He got married to his love and she got married to her manager (happens in all other companies, you see :) ). The date was the only similarity in their lives!!

Gans Gyan

2007-06-13T01:27:00.000-07:00

TAJ MAHAL????

2007-06-11T02:03:00.000-07:00

If you are all familiar with the Mughal heritage, you will be familiar with names like Jahangir, Akbar, Noor Jahan, Shah Jahan, and Mumtaz Mahal. Taj Mahal is also likely to ring a bell in your head. Taj Mahal was constructed on the behest of Shah Jahan so that his love for Mumtaz Mahal will be immortal. But have you ever wondered as to why it came to be known as the Taj Mahal? Shouldn’t it have been Mumtaz Mahal, in the name of his queen? It would have been okay, if the name “Mumtaz Mahal” had degenerated to “Mumtaj Mahal”. Of course there is the danger of sounding like a TR movie with Mumtaj as the heroine. But Taj Mahal??

Now in his explosive book, Prof. Gu-Man-Gut-Hu, a Chinese Professor, and a bachelor only in History, blames it on the English language, a la, Dr. Ramados. In his own words, “Why is it called Taj Mahal? If Shah Jahan was so much in love with his wife, shouldn’t it have been Mumtaz Mahal? The blame for this can be squarely put on the English Language. Most of the words have multiple meanings. As you all know, to stay Mum, is to be silent. People have taken the literary meaning, and excluded Mum from Mumtaj, making it Taj Mahal”

Read much more in Prof. Gu-Man-Gut-Hu’s new book,

“Taj: Why stay Mum”
Dan-danakka Publications
Prof. Gu-Man-Gut-Hu, Bachelor (History), Husband (Herstory)

Sorry for the distarpance if it was too much of a mokkai. :) But PJs apart, Voting is going on for the new Seven Wonders of the World. Please go to this site and vote for the Taj Mahal.

http://www.new7wonders.com/index.php?id=409

Roaring King Kong, Dialogue TR

2007-05-25T02:59:00.000-07:00

Reminiscence

2007-05-17T01:33:00.000-07:00

“With great pleasure and happiness, we welcome you to the marriage of Sow. Bhagya with Chi…….”

Raghu read the invitation with trembling hands. He still remembered that fateful day when he had proposed to her. He had taken her out to a restaurant and proposed. But she had refused.

“No Raghu, I am sorry. My parents will not accept this. You are a good person, but I can’t do anything but refuse. This will not happen. Please don’t pop this question again.” Distraught, he had given up all ideas of marriage then.

On that day, he got up and dressed neatly as always. He took an auto to the place. The people in the hall ushered him into the dining room as soon as he entered the hall. He couldn’t eat a morsel though. He came out of the dining hall in a short while and occupied a chair close to the stage.

The bride was seated on her father’s lap, with the bridegroom in front of her. She was looking beautiful in her 9 yards saree. He gave a sigh and threw the flowers as the bridegroom tied the mangal sutra.

If everything had gone as planned, she would have been seated on his lap. Life was indeed funny in a cruel sort of way.

Err.... Its TR!!

2007-05-11T02:11:00.000-07:00

The main advantage with DVD players is that U get to see some extremely good classics like shawshank redemption and MCKenna's gold. On the other hand, U also get to see movies, which are so bad, that its good. Sample: ~~Porukki~~ Pokkiri (a typical B movie that Ilaya Thalapathy is capable of) and Veerasamy. It is a bit old to blog about Veerasamy, but Thalaivar’s pilims are evergreen.

Now in Tamil movies there are action heroes and then, there is Veerasamy!! The guy never tires you out with his antics on screen. The women in his movies, these days, have weird names, like “Rouse Rani” and “Salt ~~Kottai~~ Koattai Sarasu”. I wonder what the name would have been if the name had been Beena, “Blouse Beena”?? Neways, TR plays an MLA, Lawyer, Local Rowdy, and also a Romeo in the movie. Mumtaj plays his love interest.

The first scene shows Rouse Rani disrupting a middle class household. Mumtaj tries to come to the rescue of the people, but is thwarted. You get a feeling that Thalaivar is going to set the screen alight. A car blows up (Earthquake??). U get a shiver up your spine. It is then that Mumtaj utters the immortal words,

“Sollaama varrathu Tsunami,

Sollittu varuvaaru intha Veerasamy”

For the Non Tamilians, the translation goes thus,

“That which comes without any announcement, is tsunami,

Whereas the person who announces and then arrives is Veerasamy”

The scene changes and we get to see not one, not two, but three TRs(The TV in our house refused to show 3 TRs :( ), with sickles, knives, etc bouncing off his body!! TR decimates the rowdies and peace is restored. Dialogue time again, with TR telling Rouse Rani (RR) that, “Nee aalaanathu Alwarpet, nee kalyaanam panninathu kannamma pettayila…. “ (Ennaala Mudiyala!!)

TR and his sister live happily in a house. Yes there is a scene in which TR goes, “Thangachi……” His sister studies in a co-ed college. The usual cliché, a vamp in a dress which is low everywhere, also studies in that college. She is the villain’s (a minister) sister. It is here that TR plays his trump card, a lesbian twist. His sister falls into love with a ~~guy~~ gal ~~guy~~ ~~gal~~, well, ok, “near gal” guy. For convenience sake, I have taken him/her to be a gal, who is none other than Rouse Rani’s sibling.

TR though disgusted, goes and asks Rouse to accept his sister. Problem erupts there when Rouse asks TR to beg for forgiveness. In the mean while, TR has clashes with the minister also. He gets into the house when the minister is attempting kasa musa. The minister is totally shattered when TR utters,

“Intha vasantha senaikku nee use pannuva Viagra,

Dialogue paesarathila naan Manogara”

I guess Sivaji must be suffering multiple deaths in his grave :(

Mumtaj comes over to TR’s house and starts working as a maid. TR and Mumtaj start loving each other. Mumtaj uses TR’s soap when he is not around. (karumam karumam) The fact that the soap has touched just TR’s beard is enough to dissuade anyone from touching that soap. But this is divine love!! :)

But fate is cruel. Mumtaj gets married to the minister’s hitman, and is made to endure problems, both physically and mentally. At last, TR has had enough of this crap (we too) and destroys the villains. A note of caution: The last scene in which TR fights with his underwear is not for the weak hearted. When people question his integrity, he sits on a chair (no, the chair does not break), and dies. Mumtaj follows suit!! TR’s sister and her lover gal live happily ever after, without any need for protection!! :)

What to watch out for:

1) TR’s whatever’s left of his face’s expressions. His romantic expressions, his violent expressions, his compassionate expressions, his passionate expressions…….. all remain the same, a constipated one!!

2) Songs. In which other movie will you get the lyrics, “kanniyae kaathal chinnam Titanic, Atha moozhgaama seyyirathu namma Technique” :)?

3) TR’s dance in “vechirukkaen, naan vechirukkaen” and “Unnai kaathalikka…” It goes like this, “Raise right leg, then left hand, then left leg, and finally right hand”. It should be symmetrical

4) TR’s sleeveless sweat shirt.

5) Punch dialogues are spoken by everyone, from the villain to hero.

L

2007-05-02T23:25:00.000-07:00

Please click on the Picture!! :)

For Dummies: This is my 50th Post!! :)

U-No

2007-04-29T23:14:00.000-07:00

Following the uproar over the kissing of Ms. Shetty by Gere, Hon. Judge Dinesh Gupta has ordered the arrest of Ms. Shetty and Gere. He had termed the act as “Sexually erotic”. Then will a liplock be full blown porn??, me wonders!! :) Neways my company, which has recently branched out into various divisions including the medical field, was quick to identify this as an acute case of “Inflammo Stomachiosis”, which can be best simplified as “stomach burn”. Regarding this, my company’s antacid, U-No’s high profile ads will start rolling on the screen in the near future. The ~~horrible,~~ sorry, honorable magistrate has agreed to act in this ad, as long as I don’t say a particular phrase, that being “in top gear”. :)

The ad will involve the magistrate doing a jingle which goes thus,

“You can miss and

You can kiss, But,

I won’t hiss,

I am just going for a small piss^*

* Drinking too much of U-no will create an urge to piss. [RTI Act, 2006].

Btw, This jingle was penned by our very own Karadi king, T.Rajendar who proved that he can talk, walk and eat English, here

The ads will be extended to accommodate Salman, Viveik (Refer the pics and the jingles below) and maybe Abhishek (in the future). Neways, our sales executives indicate that almost all the critics, who watched Aishwarya’s insufferable “Are you like, checking me out?” dialogue in Dhoom II have ordered U-no in wholesale quantities.

For now the ads are to be screened in India. It was originally intended that considering the muslim countries’ tradition, Ms. Shetty will wear a full pardah and then Gere will kiss her. But Ms. Shetty has declined the offer stating that she being proud of her body, (we too Shetty, we too :)) believes in Maximum and not Minimum exposure. Thanks a lot Shetty!!

The jingles for Salman, Viveik and Abhishek are as follows:

Don’t worry Salman,

Come on, Be a man

Stand tall, after all Viveik,

She didn’t give a fuck :)!!

But what to say, Abhishek

I dunno, U might get a heartache!!

============================================================
Thats it for now, Cya guys!! If it was too much of a mokkai, please bear with me!! :)

Shorties!!

2007-04-18T20:51:00.000-07:00

1) Is Fair and Lovely to be used for the face/hands or for the whole body??

2) If only for the face/hands, wont you be scared when u see a two toned guy/ girl?? (Dont ask me when!! :P)

PS: This is a Too Much!!

"We have given him the goat, and as far as we know they are still together," Mr Alifi said.

seriously, What the fuck!! :-D

Blast From The Past!!

2007-04-12T01:30:00.000-07:00

This is my LKG class's group foto. Any guesses as to where I am in this foto?? :-)

Same Blood!!

2007-04-03T21:13:00.000-07:00

Dinesh was seated at the marriage hall. He was quite old now. He was 33. He looked into the crowd and saw his best friend Ravi standing in the front. He was the best man. He could still remember the conversation he had with Ravi one day.

"Dei, the new beatsar has hit the market now. You should have waited for some more time. Then you could have bought this. Instead you have the old model", Ravi told him. "Its okay da. I am perfectly happy with the bike I bought. Cell phones, Bikes, Wives etc are all the same. You wish that you could have waited for a better model. Its ok.... If this goes on, I will never get married. You can always lend me yours." "Dei, what are you talking about?" "I meant your bike and not your wife, silly!! "Thank God.... :)"

He looked at his bride and smiled at her. Maybe he could get a better bride, and again maybe not. Anyway, he had to start a family soon.

She returned his smile. After all, even she had bought a hooty just before the hooty hep was launched!! :)

Venting Your Anger!!

2007-04-02T10:07:00.000-07:00

Warning: Not for the conservatives. So if u are one, plz dont read it and then pass comments about my good goody nature!! :)

What is the best way to vent one's anger?? Physical or verbal?? There is a saying in Tamil that physical wounds will heal, but the verbal wounds will make a very deep cut in the other person. But nowadays, I feel that our jobs have made us spineless enough to bear the bad words.

My profanities started with the harmless "Naayae, paeyae" (Dog and ghost). I reckon my best friend was at the receiving end always. I always kept profanities to a minimum, save for that occasional muttering of naayae and paeyae. It was my friend Madhusudhan who told me that the worst bad word was fucker. Pardon us, the misguided souls that we were, for we were in our 5th standard then. Profanities for me has come a long way since then, and I have used almost all words right from the common "bastard" to words that might make steam come out of some people's ears.

But these days, I prefer keeping things simple. I just say "Fuck off".

PS: Why do some bad words refer to private parts and sexual acts?? Coz its considered taboo and dirty?? Then why dont we say "U crazy left hand" as we use it to clean ourselves?? ;-P

SMS....

2007-03-23T23:22:00.000-07:00

Its accepted that people still want to keep in touch with each other and wish Good night or morning, or whatever time of the day it is. This is best done with a simple Good Morning/ Night/ Afternoon. But generally this is not the case. People, it seems, always like to spout some crap before wishing. This is evident from some SMSes I get. All in good thought, agreed.... but sometimes it gets pretty tedious. Here are some I have got....

* Once you care for a person, you will always do the same. For whats in your mind may escape, but if it is in your heart, it will always remain. Good Night!!

(If it's a gal's heart, the better, eh?? :) )

* Value the people who have touched your life, because u'll nvr know just when they'll walk out of ur life and nvr cum back then..... We live life only once. Gn.

(Check your spellings or short forms dear.... a simple mistake or a blank will change the entire word/ meaning. Therapist and the rapist, u see!! :) )

* Winning horse doent know y it rns in race. It runs because of beats and pains. life is a race. god is ur rider. so if u r in pain, then think God wants u to win. Good night!!

(Ghost rider has come... now God Rider, huh?? )

* Love comes into your heart and comes out of the eyes as tears. But Friendship comes into your heart and always stays there. Good Morning!!

(Can we love our friend then?? :) )

Neways, Save My Soul from these SMSes Gawd!!

SMS

2007-03-22T09:22:00.000-07:00

Egad, Save My Soul!!

coming up...

Jai Shri Shri Mata

2007-03-19T00:44:00.000-07:00

"Arjun, I am worried about our child. His teacher tells me that, he is not able to concentrate in class. It seems that he always looks out of class, or day dreams. What shall we do? We have to get his concentration back."
"Kala, Its all a part of growing up. We will see how it shapes up. But if you dont want to wait, my colleague was talking about a place here. He told me that they develop powers of concentration over there. Tha Mata over there is very powerful. We will go to her...."

Mataji Ashram:
================
"Please wait here. Mataji will be here soon. You can tell her your problems and she will take care of it." Arjun and Kala were ushered to a room by a disciple. "When was this started? From where did Mataji come?", Arjun could not contain his curiosity.
"It all started with a Yoga class in Banashankari.... Oh, here comes Mataji herself."

Everyone stood to welcome Mata Ashwiniananda Mayi.

:) :) :) :)

PS: If you dont understand this story.... sorry, but this was custom made for a very good friend of mine. :)

Weekend watch!!

2007-03-12T01:20:00.000-07:00

Sample this.... A big bungalow, women in white sarees with no blouses (They are widows in India, some 50 yeard back, u sillies), go to a gigantic window, with sieves in their hand, and look at the moon through the sieves, and then at their husbands' photos on the wall. They pray for the welfare of their husband's souls. The hero lands in a helicoptor and comes to the bungalow of the widows. He falls in love with a nubile widow and after much fights, tears, and hugs, they all unite. Phew.... Thankfully Deepa Mehta is no Karan Johar!! :)

I saw water recently. For ppl who dont know it, Water is Canada's official entry to the Oscars. It made into the last Six. So water with an Indian cast and director, makes it into the Oscars as Canada's entry. Talk about Globalisation.

Though the movie has a good theme, it is elevated much higher, due to "Chuiya", the small girl and Seema Biswas. The movie looks at the plight of the Widows in India, some 50 years back. There are some side tracks like the love between John and Lisa, how the widows serve as prostitutes, conversation between John, and his friend.

The cast is ok, but still I would have preferred Nandita as the young widow instead of Lisa Ray. Come on.... John looks at Lisa and falls in love. ok... but who wouldnt?? ;-) Any guy would marry Lisa even if she were widowed ten times. :-D Nandita, I am sure, would have brought a more earthy feel to the movie.

White sarees, Lisa Ray.... The director has to be commended for not keeping scenes where the heroine gets drenched. The warden of the ashram, an actor named Manorama, also does a good job. The music was very good. The cinematography has to BE commended. Sometimes melodramatic, I guess this was needed for the oscars.

Overall, the movie was good, but I liked Hey Ram better.

2007-03-06T00:28:00.000-08:00

He was at his friend's marriage. The buffet was sumptuous. There was Tomato soup, Gobi manchurian, Spring rolls, noodles, Fried rice, Salad, Vegetables in hong kong style, veg balls in garlic sauce, (he was veg), Vanilla and strawberry ice cream and all varieties of puddings for dinner. He wished the bride and bridegroom good luck and went home. His mother was waiting for him. He sat down at the table, as she served him curd rice. Satisfied with that, he let out a small burp.

2007-03-05T00:16:00.000-08:00

Nokia N70 + Effects + An Innocent face (Me, obviously) + Some handiwork of mine = The above fotos!! :)

Entrepreneurship!!

2007-03-01T00:45:00.000-08:00

I have decided to become an entrepreneur in the near future. Anyone whose name starts with the alphabet ‘G’ can join me. Coz the company’s name is gonna be "G-Strings softwear solutions". Now don’t get me wrong. This has nothing to do with ‘G-Strings’. For the guys who don’t know about G-Strings, I would suggest that you all grow up. For God’s sake, don’t be a typical s/w engineer and Google it now. Maybe you can wiki it. Nah… don’t do that either. As for the gals who haven’t heard about G-Strings, No Comments!! :)

Anyway, this has nothing to do with G-Strings, nor software solutions (if you look back, the typo in the company name is not really a typo). No sir, not at all. My head quarters will be at Tiruppur. Aha, I can see the faint glint of recognition in your eyes, as you read Tiruppur. Yes, you have got it correct. It’s gonna be an inner apparels shop. Then why not G-Strings?? Because they are not supposed to be inner wear, got it?? I hope that, now the “softwear” part of the name is self explanatory. :) I am looking out for a tagline now. For now, whoever comes up with a tag line will get good discounts after I open my factory. You can also boast to your friends, that you are wearing “Factory Branded” stuff.

People wanting to invest in my company will be made partners. They won’t be the owners, but will be a level below them, and will get the same benefits as I. The company will be never made public. We strive for the welfare of the people’s privacy and hence do not desire publicity!! :) There will be no swipe or wipe timings, and the salary will be quite enough for the cost of living at Tiruppur.

Don’t worry if you are in the software industry now. As a matter of fact, if you are good in threads, please mail me your resume, as threads exist in this industry also. Persons with open and creative minds can apply.

The Duke Of Puke!!

2007-02-25T20:06:00.000-08:00

Raj couldn't stop himself. He kept stuffing and stuffing and stuffing himself. It continued day after day and week after week. But the stuffing varied on a daily basis. It was more on some days and on some other days, it was less. His parents became more worried day by day. But they cudnt stop him. He had to do it.

One fine day, the puking started. He puked every day until he couldn't puke any more for that day. He resumed puking the next day. Even the puking varied . He puked more on some days and very less on some other day. His friends were doing the same....

It finally ended when the board exams got over.

-- Dedicated to the kids puking in the exams due to the (Insert any profanities U know) guys who have made it a custom to puke in exams

Bandh(ar) guys!! :)

2007-02-12T21:24:00.000-08:00

Imagine getting up in the morning, knowing that you will not have decent food for that day. Imagine a day where in you stay home through out the day and do nothing. Imagine that this is not imaginary, but real.

Disclaimer: This is not the lateshht ad for Samsung. For people getting confused with Imagine. :)

Being single is not the worst that can happen to an eligible (ok, that was uncalled for :) ) bachelor like me. No, seriously trust me guys. For all Non-karnataka guys, this might be hard to digest. But yes, that’s the UNDILUTED truth. It’s the hardships caused by these bandh(ar??) guys. A whole day huddled inside the house, no tamil channels, with only maggi noodles and coffee for food. Now how cool is that? But I guess, for the married couples, esp for the guy, this might be bliss, as the wife wouldn’t be able to watch tamil serials, and torture the guy further. :)

Get up in the morning. Sleepiness. Complain. Take bath. Not very hot water. Curse. Dress up. Shoe not polished well. Use profanities. Take the bus. Horrible traffic. Tear hair. Reach office. Comfortable cubicle. Sleep. :)

For a guy like me who has a comfortable routine like the one mentioned above, Monday was a total letdown. These are the times where I get jealous of the guys who are married. Hey, don’t get carried away. It’s just for food sake. :) Bread butter and jam for breakfast. Since we didn’t cook it, it tasted yummy. I made coffee for the whole house. Thanks Ashok, for complementing me on the taste of coffee. For a guy who gets chastised at home, that I can’t even boil water, this was a huge step forward. Neways, lunch time came and we had noodles. Guess with the variety of noodles made, we could have started a restaurant. From watery to sticky types. U name it and we have it. :)

News on TV didn’t provide much coverage except for showing images where men carried buckets and stuff in the roads. I liked one slogan though. “Aiyyayyo anniyaayaa, ayyoyyo anniyaayaa…..” It went on like that. Nice one. Should try that the next time I get my payslip. :) Since tamil channels were cut, we resorted to seeing MTV, V and other informative chanels. ;-)

Evening came. We, reassured by people that restaurants would open after 1800 hrs, didn’t stock up much. But then, every damn shop was closed. Ashok observed that a shop was crowded. We walked upto it only to find that it was a wine shop. God, people are on strike asking for water, and here are people, clamoring for a quarter. Maybe they should change the name of Bangalore to Bar-galore. At last, we found that a mess was open. “only Anna Sambhar (no, its not a sibling of Anna Kournikova”)…. Was the announcement given to us. Though Boju kept muttering, we did have nice food.

That’s it. We then reached home and slept nicely, in the hope that company would be there the next day, so that we can have nice food. Btw, when will lunch time come?? :)

PS: For ppl who have come up till here, u have wallpapers of the heroine of casino royale? Eva Green? If so, please mail them to me. Statutory warning: Searching for Hollywood heroines wallpapers during Office time using Google image search will be harmful. To your job, that is!! :-D

Ramblings II…..

2007-02-07T21:43:00.000-08:00

Never have I pushed myself so much to blog…. The fact is I am at a dead end again. I am unsure of what to blog. Reservation?? Nah, that will be like flogging the dead horse. Ban on blogs? Same reason as the first. Sex? Will be spammed (hey, I am hoping too much here… :-D) with comments like, “Ganesh, thought u were a good boy!!” (of course I am :) ). Not to mention the comments like, “Sex, um….. is that a synonym for gender?”. The recent ban on action on TV… err…. Action TV to be precise? Nope…. No amount of cribbing will make those “I was delivered to my parents by a stork” people change their minds. BTW, I am a fan of those “The World’s sexiest commercials”, :-(. They were very creative. Education? Yikes, me vomiting now!! Alcohol? What's that? Is it that -OH group that I studied long back when I was in XIIth??

So here am I without a topic on which to blog!! It’s a boring world out here.

PS: I was asked to exercise regularly by my well wishers (even I have well wishers, thank you)when I joined this industry. Am happy to inform you all that I AM still thin. (so what if it is only my fingers from all the typing!!)

PS II : Boss calling…. Hence making it short. Cya guys!! :)

Adults Only!!

2007-01-24T21:31:00.000-08:00

Statutory Warning: Please refer the title!!

As he touched her, she shivered. “Are you sure?” she asked him. “I am positive about this.” “Can’t we see for 1 more day?” “No. We can’t wait for one more day.” He made her lie on the bed and adjusted her clothes. He looked around. It was a nice place. It was around 2000 hrs.

Btw, they are Kumar and Rekha. They are a pair right from their college first year. Their parents agreed to their marriage, provided they got a job. They were both placed in a software firm (where else? :) ) and were all set to get married. It was at this time that Kumar got the idea about going to Ooty. Initially, she was reluctant, but then agreed. They informed at their respective houses that they are going on an industrial visit in their colleges.

“Have you got a….” He didn’t allow her to complete. “Yeah. I always have one in my purse.” “You have them in your purse?” “Yeah, you need to take necessary precaution. I got it from a medical shop on the way to Ooty”, he replied. “Precaution”, she repeated and winked at him. He winked back. He walked to the desk to get his purse.

On coming back, he took out the coldarin tablet from his purse and gave it to her. He hoped that her cold would go away the next day, as they still had lots to see in Ooty.

:) :)

PS: As for the title, I assure U all that Kumar and Rekha aren’t minors, but Adults Only!! :)

Classics

2007-01-22T01:53:00.001-08:00

Ever bothered to notice the language of the teachers at school, and how they put across ideas? In my school days, my gang had that as a separate subject. Here are some classics...

My PT teacher
-------------------

1) If you talk, I put kneel down in the centre of the hot sun.

2) You talk, I talk, why he middle middle talk?

3) Nest time you do this, the rolls will multifly.

My Geography teacher (My fav staff.... ;-) )
----------------------------------------------------

This guy was a good guy, but he would get tensed very soon. I got into his good books very soon (pun unintended....) and always got his Aashirvaad. But in the end, he turned out to be my dad's patient, and became patient (again pun unintended) with me as well. :)

1) Close your mouth and answer my question, you beggaru..... (Student begins to answer, but no chance!!). Dei, shut your mouth and answer my question. :)
2) When I came to tenth C class, you were outside. When I came to tenth B class, you were outside. When I came to tenth A also you were outside. When I came inside tenth A also, you were outside. Why were you outside? Dei, shut your mouth and answer my question.... :)

Librarian
-----------------------
This guy became a hit with us with one incident. :) That one still makes me laugh. What do u say, if you want the crowd to be silent? Its either "Be silent" or "Dont murmur". This guy shouted with the help of a mike, "Dont whisper". That was the time, a popular product was launched. :) We laughed our hearts out. "Dont whisper", for a second time made a guy shout, "Amma, enakku thuni vaendaam ma". Nobody could control the laughter after that!!

:) :)

HAPPY PONGAL!! :)

2007-01-12T01:36:00.000-08:00

Happy Pongal to all!! :)

Illegal Relations....

2007-01-04T07:36:00.000-08:00

It did not matter where he went to. He was always taken for a man who didn’t believe in the marriage institution. People pointed out to him and refused to acknowledge him as a heterosexual. Whenever he came on his bike, he was jeered at. The fact that he was married and had three children didn’t help him one bit.

This was not the case some years back. He was successful in life. He had a great job, a good home. In short, his career was booming. He was a great property in the marriage market. He was approached by many girls in his office. But he left the job of fixing his marriage to his parents.

The wrong things in his life started with his marriage six years back. His marriage was a grand one. His bride was pretty and the apple of her father’s eye. The dowry was huge and he looked on in awe at his father in law’s riches. But everything good has a bit of a bad thing associated with it, and this was no exception. Gifting you an estate is awesome…… but along with that ……
….
….
….
….
….
….
….
His father in law gifted him a pulsar to ride!!

:) :)

PS: For ppl who don’t get it, plz recollect Pulsar’s tag line!! :) :)

06!!<-- 2007

2007-01-03T00:25:00.000-08:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL!! :)

The year 2006, was quite eventful for me as well as the world. For the first time in my life, I realised that you can actually earn money without doing anything. I soon learnt that half the people in this software world were like that. :) Maybe this is what they call "Getting hands on experience." I entered the world of blogging, and found that there ARE people to read what I scribble. So does that make them jobless?? Well, I wouldnt want to lose the few visitors to this blog that I have, by answering that question. Anyway, very very Special thanks to Aishu, Ashwin, Ashwini, Avinash, Blux, Chandru, Chirag, Janet, Kaattoo, Madhavi, Pras, Srikanth, Sindhu (in alphabetical order) for visiting and commenting on the blog every time I send a mail to all. I got many new friends, and successfully retained the old friends. I learnt how tough the CAT could be. (That the CAT has again become pregnant and will come out in ten months is another issue!! :) ) I did suffer setbacks (excludin CAT).... but as Calvin's dad says, "It only builds character". Hope those have made me stronger and more focussed on the goals that I have set.

Hope it is the same for you all.I hope this year is a good year for me as well as for you all. Hope all your wishes get fulfilled. Thats it from me now. Cya all!!

PS: Please pardon the Senti stuff. From next time, there will only be the Mental stuff. ;-)

CONFESSIONS!!

2006-12-26T20:05:00.000-08:00

“I haven’t been a good person. I have had too many affairs previously. Even this marriage arrangement is hurriedly done because my parents came to know of my latest affair. I guess, you must be wondering as to why I am telling you all this. Its because I don’t want our marriage life to start off on a dirty secret. After this, its left to you, as to what you think of me.”

Four hours earlier:
--------------------
“Son, you might have done a lot of mistakes in your life. Please forget them and start life afresh. Don’t be a fool and confess everything to your future wife. She will always nag you then. Its my kind request.” Jairam nodded to his father words, but he was pretty sure of what he was going to do. He was going to confess everything to the girl, whom he was going to see. If she was a girl with forward thinking, she would definitely forget his past.

“Greet the elders and the bridegroom”, Lalitha’s parents instructed her. She dutifully greeted them and served them coffee. Jairam could not help noticing how pretty she was, and his insides cringed a little when he thought of the confession. Lalitha observed that he was gazing at her and smiled inwardly.

An hour went by. “I want to talk to the bride alone”, said Jairam. His parents were alarmed on hearing this. He gave a reassuring smile to his parents and waited for the elders’ consent. He then went into the room where Lalitha was waiting. The confession started.

Present time
-------------
Lalitha stood waiting for Jairam’s response to her confession. He appeared shocked. If he was a guy with forward thinking, he would definitely forget her past, wouldn’t he??

:) :)

Healthy Students!!

2006-12-15T03:49:00.000-08:00

"No more junk foods and colas", is the latest health measure, planned by our Hon. Health Minister, Anbumani Ramadas. He is going to talk to the chancellors of the various universities in the country, and is planning to implement this measure. He reasons that junk foods and colas are the main reason for obesity among the youths of today. Only natural foods should be served. That set me thinking..... Will he ban the software industry one day?? :) I mean, all we do is sit in front of the system and type. Wont that cause obesity to us?? ;) Anyway, is banning junk foods like pizzas, samosas, chips, (fried groundnuts?? :-) ) , a step in the right direction?? For my part, I have envisioned how the "natural food eating students" and their classrooms, after this health measure is implemented in the future will be......

:)...

Ciao guys!!

Honeymoon!!

2006-12-04T04:16:00.000-08:00

First of all, thanks to all u ppl, for that enthusiastic response to my series on my room mates. :) Since some ppl cudnt stomach the thought of Amrita Rao dreaming about me, will be back with another story soon!! My next series will start soon, and it is tentatively named “Blast From The Past”. I will go into general issues for now.

Most of you know would know about the concept of going for a honeymoon. For those who don’t, here’s the gist. After marriage, the bride and the groom go to an exotic location, to understand each other (??), and then they return and work for two years to pay off the debts on their honeymoon!! :). Is Honeymoon a short form of "Honey, I am over the moon after marrying you??" Hey, all this talk about marriage reminds me of a joke which can’t be published here for obvious reasons. People who want that joke can mail me, and I assure you that your identities will remain a secret. I will disclose it only in my next blog. He he… just kidding!! :)

Neways, this happened a year and a half back!! Before that, a quaestion!! Ever been in a situation when as u comment, everyone turns silent?? You will understand why I said this at the end!! So, I had been to my friend’s house. His relatives (which consisted of the bride and the bridegroom also) had come over there. The bride was showing the photos of their honeymoon trip to everyone. They had been to Europe. I was sitting at the back, (where will my class room mentality go??), with my friend and his gang, and passing comments.

The bride was telling us about another couple, accompanying them in the plane. “They didn’t come for sight seeing at all. Come to think of it, they didn’t step out of the hotel at all”. I didn’t notice that the whole room had gone silent, as I commented, “well, I think that they were the ones who understood the concept properly”. :-D Everyone heard that comment. I looked up sheepily and saw that the bride’s face had turned crimson red, and the groom was looking resolutely away!! I excused myself from the place, and just ran from that spot!!

I have never been to their place after that!! :(

Back to Normality, eh??

2006-11-30T08:12:00.000-08:00

Amrita Rao (yup,the actress) waited patiently at the restaurant for her date to come. She was on time, as she couldnt bear to keep her date waiting. But she didnt mind it if he did it to her. It just felt like yesterday, the first time she met him. That initial touch still evoked goosebumps in her.

"Is this yours?", was the question posed by him. She was instantly hooked onto him. As she took her kerchief back, their fingers touched just for a moment, but that was enough. They started seeing a lot more afterwards..... This was supposed to be the first anniversary, since they had started seeing each other.

"Its almost time", she muttered to herself. She looked at her watch. It was five mins to One. As she was glancing in front, she felt a hand covering her eyes, and whispering "Happy Anniversary", in her ears. She smiled and turned to face him. "You are always on time, Ganesh!! I am so happy"

"Keek keek keek keek...... keek keek keek keek....... keek keek keek keek...... keek keek keek keek"...... A hand slowly switched off the alarm, and took away the bedspread. "I must have been dreaming that. After all, how on earth, can I expect be with Ganesh. You are not so lucky a gal, dearie"..... Amrita Rao thought to herself!!

:) :) :) :)

PS: Sorry Chi. ;)

PPS: For ppl, who thought that this story was a sarcastic take on myself...... I assure u, it IS sarcastic in an ironic sort of way :-\!! For ppl who still dont understand, will be back with another story soon. Until then , ciao!!

Dog's Tail

2006-11-26T21:41:00.000-08:00

He noticed the girl standing beneath the stairs. She was quite pretty and looked vaguely familiar. "What the heck?" He had seen so many girls. He also stood beneath the stairs and made a scene of arranging his books. Apparam enna velai, bittu bittaa poada vendiyathu thaanae.

He: Hi! I am Ashok.
She: (Started to smile at him, but then frowned) Hi.
He: May I know your name, plz?
She: (With an icy tone) Rekha....
He: Your name sounds familiar. Have I seen you before?
She: I have to leave now....

He: Where do you work? Excuse.... Chae, what was the point of being so rude? He remarked loudly to no one in particular.

"Well, I would have done the same, if I were her" Ashok turned around to face me. "What do you mean?", he asked me. "Hard not to be rude, considering the fact that you already knew her in person, and had roamed the city with her"

It was then that he remembered. "Damn", he exclaimed. He had seen her last, 6 months back.

"Machi Ashokku, that is exactly why, there should be a limit to your "gals" list. I think that your DB is throwing an "Out Of Memory" exception" :)

As I remarked this, he was already walking towards another girl. "Excuse me, are you....."

Ivangalai ellaam thiruthavae mudiyaathu daa Saami!! (No one can correct these buggers)

:) :)

The Killer

2006-11-21T19:59:00.000-08:00

The serial killer was on the loose again. He was a normal man, but he couldn’t stop those occasional spurts of manic behaviour. This was one of those times. He roamed the city looking for his prey. As he walked, he could see a street detached from the main road. He entered that street.

He looked at his watch. “Perfect”, he thought, as the whole family should be in the house. Wholesome fodder for him. Little did the inmates know what lay in store for them. He looked up and down the street. Nobody was there. He scaled the wall and entered the house. He looked inside the house through a window. The family was just settling down to have dinner.

He walked up to the main switchboard area. He could hear, “Selvi, selvi, selvi…..” blaring from the house. He pulled the fuse and the whole house was enveloped in darkness. He heard groans emerging from the house.

He was satisfied. He had effectively killed an episode of a serial today for one more family. Ever since, Chandru’s roommates stopped him from watching “Selvi”, he had become like this!!

:) :)

Shorties!!

2006-11-08T22:40:00.000-08:00

Well, everything I post under the title shorties will have a question, for which I have not been able to figure out the answers . Answers can be posted in the comments section. Here is the question:

"Why do gals wear short T-shirts and then stretch them, when they see guys coming ahead??"

:)

VIRTUAL REALITY!!

2006-11-02T21:14:00.000-08:00

It was the year 2100. A year in which men and machines still struggled to coexist harmoniously. A year in which there were still civil wars of machines against men. A year in which men struggled to get back to the golden era when machines were just that, machines. A year in which the humans slowly started to lose their emotions. A ear, which will start bleeding if I go on like this. So lemme get on with the story.

Chirag set out on his mission. It was true that the humans were losing their emotions, but love was a primal emotion. It can never be lost. He was in UK now on a project work. He had seen her first in a strip club. She was a waitress over there. He had been a regular patron of that club, coz of her presence. In time, both became acquainted, and started going together. But he didn’t touch her. He was of the type that everything should happen after marriage.

Today was the D-day. He went to the usual spot where they meet. He had a 3D projector in hand, which would give out images of all sorts of flowers. Technological replacement for a red rose. When she came, she knew what was to happen. Chirag went on his knees and proposed to her. She said, “Chirag, first tell me, what you think of asexual reproduction?” “What do I think….I what??. “You see, I am a cyborg”. Chirag’s head started spinning, and he could hear his phone ringing. It showed 0700 hrs in the morning!!

“Dei wake up, Chi. Its seven, and its getting very late for the office”. He could hear his room mate Ganesh calling out to him. He got up groggy eyed. Damn, he shudnt have drunk so much and watched that late nite movie, “Honey, u married a cyborg”. Apparently they don’t go well enough together!!

PS: WELCOME BACK, CHI!! :) :)

VALLAVAN

2006-10-26T04:25:00.000-07:00

Me: oru padathila irunthu Bit eduthaa thappaa??
Chimp: Thappilanga!!

Me: Oru padithila irunthu periya Bittaa eduthaa??
Chimp: Thappu maathiri theriyuthunga!!

Me: Neraya padathila irunthu neraya Bitta perusu perusaa eduthu??
Chimp: Periya thappunga!!

Me: ot***, athaandaa un padathula nadakkuthu!!

In a nutshell, that is Vallavan for u. Take some Selvi (am not kidding, I meant the serial only… the part where he woos Nayantara is a straight lift from it) mix it with Chandramukhi (Reema Sen’s act resembled Jyothika’s Split act in Chandramukhi), add that Rajni-Ramya Krishnan car scene from Padatappa, throw in some figures who show :) (meant in the literal sense), Kamal’s Anbe Sivam costume and add a pinch of Anniyan. Vallavan is a kitchidi of all the above.

Vallavan had the theatre in splits. The film was hilarious. We laughed at all the scenes, which were supposed to be sentimental!! :) Chimpu revels in his lifetime role and demonstrates why no person shud ever produce a film by him. Nayantara and Reema do what is expected of them :). Sandhya was ok, but I thought that she acted like Jyothika in some scenes!!

The worst factor in the movie is Chimp who jumps into advice mood every ten mins. Every time, his face comes into a close up, the audience groans. Guess, he shud stop taking pot shots at others, (there is a scene where he ridicules Dhanush) and concentrate on giving a good film.

Songs are not good when u compare it with Manmathan. Background was just about ok. Dialogues were yucky… sample this, “Firstla yaara love panroamnu mukkiyam illa, lastla eveloda irukkoam garathu thaan mukkiyam” :-X. Dialogue delivery by the actors were also pathetic. “Bedroom engae” dialogue by Chimp distinctly reminded me of “Bathroom engae”. :) His tone and rendition of the dialogue was such. Sorry Chimp, but assuming that having one matter scene in the movie and focusing the camera on some parts of females will be a hit among teens is sickening, to say the least.

Special appearance by Sr. Karadi in “Yammaadi aathaadi” song. Thalaivar konjam laesa iduppu aatinathila Tsunami vanthurumoannu naanga konjam pambittom!!

Storyline: Innumaa therinjukkanumnu aasai padareenga??

Vallavan ….. Nollavan!!

All said, U can go as a gang and enjoy the comments made by each other. The whole theatre was in splits yesterday. But again, as my friend remarked, “Coimbatorela muppathu rooba koduthu katharathu ok da. Aana nooru rooba koduthu katharathukku manasu valikkuthu” ;)

WHODUNNIT????

2006-10-17T04:44:00.000-07:00

He sensed something uneasy in the neighbor’s house. He marched to that house with some trepidation. His anxiety increased with each step he took. But he badly wanted to find out what that was and trudged on. He went in through the gate and started looking around in the garden. It looked as though, there was no one in the house.

He finished looking around at the garden and started looking into the room, calling out “Avinash”. That was his neighbor’s name. As he peered into one room, he was shell shocked. Avinash’s head was decapitated and the whole area was a bloody damn mess. He immediately called the police.

The police came immediately and began their usual investigation. Since he was Avinash’s neighbor and also since he was the first person on the spot, they showered him with the usual questions, like “what was his job?”, “was he married?” and “did he have any enemy?” He told the police that he didn’t know anything about Avinash, except that he was a software engineer, and that he came home at odd times.

After some time, SP Krishnamoorthy came to the crime scene. He was known for his sharp eye to clues scattered around the crime scene. But here, he could see nothing in that area save for a deo bottle, a comb and some dresses. His mind started to form a vague picture as to how the crime would have taken place. A grim smile formed on his face.

After pondering on the case for quite some time, the SP became dead sure and closed the case as an accident.

Why??

Why??

Why??

Because of the “AXE EFFECT”

Remember the Deo Bottle??

;) ;) ;) ;)

Why me??

2006-10-16T01:09:00.000-07:00

This happened a year back, when I was new to Bangalore. My tendancy is such that, I always try to learn something new, lose interest in the middle and just drop the same soon after. The same happened with Kannada language. With the help of my Bangalore friends, I managed to learn some kannada words like "Gothilla", "alli", "illi", "Hogi", "Koothkoli".... and a few other words. Some people had warned me that, the auto guys might fleece you if they know that you are not from Bangalore, i.e., if u dont speak Kannada.

I kept it in mind and the next time, I boarded an auto, I tried it and failed miserably. Here is that incident....

Me: Madivala Hogatha??
Auto guy: Koothkoli

Me: KPN Travels Gotha?
AG: Nange KPN travels gothilla. Dari gothidre, neene helu. Illa andre naanu ninana Ayyappa Devasthanake karkonDu hogthini. (Got this part translated by my friend)

Me: a blank look....
AG: Aenu sir??

Me: Gothill....
AG: Enna Thamizhaa?? Sollalaam sir, namakku thamizh theriyum!! Madivala Ayyappan Temple la drop pannuttumaa

Me: Hee hee.... appadiyaa, sari. Angayae drop pannunga!! (Ok, drop me there)

TOTAL DAMAGE for me that day!! :( :(
But now, I think I am able to understand a decent level of Kannada. :)

MOCK Interviews

2006-10-05T21:17:00.000-07:00

As is usual in many colleges, our college also had training sessions on how to give an interview for different companies. We were given instructions on how to sit for the interview, and that a sitting posture which had us leaning forward was much better to a laidback posture. (I am not sure though, how it would be, if the interviewer was a woman, and I was leaning forward. :) ). Also we were instructed never to offer our hands first, but rather wait for the interviewer to offer his/her hand. Coming to the point, mock interviews were held to polish off all the sessions. This was the moment, everybody was waiting for. They simply could not wait to show off their newly acquired skills to the trainer. Here’s one mock interview from that day. This happened for real.

Interviewer: Good Morning, Ms. Y.
Y: Good Morning.
Interviewer: So, tell me about yourself. Why should I pick you for this job?
Y: Blah…. Blah…. Blah. Also, if you recruit me, I will be able to satisfy you.
Interviewer: In what way??

After a pause, the interviewer gave a big smile, and asked that girl never to dish out answers like the one she gave and that not every person will be a good man like him.

This Y was left speechless. I must say, that she was a topper in her studies, and don’t think she would have been accustomed to non academic questions like these.

:) :)

was reading a similar post in sidin's blog, when I remembered this incident.

LIFE!!

2006-10-01T06:04:00.000-07:00

50....
"My life has been a complete Mess"

40....
"I tried to bite more than what I could have chewed"

30....
"Even my wife deserted me due to Work Pressure"

20....
"But is this the only way out??"

10....
"I could have sorted it out. Its too late to go back now"

His last thoughts before crashing into the ground from the 50 storey building was that, "I want to live"

Fault!!

2006-09-25T21:05:00.000-07:00

Karthik* was in a spot. The situation was so. He had been caught watching “a movie” by his uncle. His mother had been notified, and she was horrified (expected, of course). It was his friend’s mistake. He had pestered Karthik* and they ended up watching it. His dad was away at work and his mom had gone for some work. He had completely forgotten about his uncle, who had come from Mumbai the previous day. He had got up, and caught them both watching the movie.

Karthik*’s friend had been duly dispatched for home after his parents were informed of the same. Karthik*’s dad came. He listened to his brother’s narration of the day’s events. Karthik knew the event that was to follow. His dad took out his belt and started hitting him.

When Karthik* could take it no more, he blurted out, “I took the cd from your shop”. Karthik*’s father had a cd shop.

So whose fault was it anyway?? :) :)

Karthik* --> Name changed to protect the guy's privacy!!

OAL-OGERS

2006-09-07T23:51:00.000-07:00

Slightly long post…. Mokkaiyaa irunthaa slightly adjust maadii!! :)

Knowledge Transfer:
Oal Vidarathu is very commonly used by the college students in TN. Though it is supposed to be a profanity, it is commonly used as a slang for verbal diahorrea, i.e., Oalu vidaatha --> don’t shoot off from the mouth.

Article contd:

Oal-ogers is the term that I have affly given to Numerologers, Nameologers, Stonologers, Energyologers, etc, etc…. they just shoot off their mouths.

I always tune into Vijay tv at midnight (heck, not midnite masala, if that’s what u think :)). There is a program about names being the most important part of your life. A fucker there argues that the one with a good name will be successful in life. Was Bill Gates’ dad a numerology specialist?? He says that a name change from Praveen to Praaveen will make him rich. Good thing that he doesn’t change the ‘P’ to ‘B’. :)

There is one more program, where in a fully tonsured guy gives energy to all those who come there. He says that he can cure cancer and other diseases this way. He holds a T Square like object in his hand. There is a wire dangling at one end of that scale. You have to hold the other end of the wire. With the scale in his hand, he measures the energy in our body and gives energy, if found deficient (which will always be the case).

So imagine my surprise, when I tuned into Vijay TV one day. I didn’t know about this bugger’s program. He had a scale like object in his hand. There was a female comperer standing with her side profile seen. He remarked, “Munnaadi correctaa irukku. Pinnaadi thaan konjam koraiyuthu.” I almost fell off my chair, laughing. Then I came to know that he was talking about energy. LOL!!

************************************************************************

Okay, Me is the Numer-oal-oger in Jayvi TV!! All your queries will be answered in a jiffy. Some samples from previous editions for your reference:

Audience 1: Sir, which are the best numbers?
Me: 36-24-36 & item numbers are the best. Their combo is even more deadly. Athuvum antha Simran dance onnu irukkae…… :)
Audience 1: (Ada kadavulae)… sir, sir, not that, sir. The worst number which a name can add upto.
Me: (Dei Goyya…) No one is specific with their queries these days. 7 ½ is the worst number that a name can add upto. All people have names adding upto 7 ½ until they come to me. Even if they don’t, my kanakku will always show ezharai.

Audience: *clap* *clap*

***********************************************************************************
Karadi King TR had agreed to be a spl guest for one session. An excerpt from that session:

Serial Director: sir, I am a serial director. But my serials are not clicking. My serial is making people to laugh.
Me: That is good sir. Tremendous.
SD: But that is a sentimental serial sir.
Me: What is the name of your serial?
SD: Samuthiram sir.
Me: s+a+m+u+t+h+i+r+a+m= 7 ½. If you look here sir, it adds up to an unlucky number. Rename it as Samoothiram. It also adds up to ur number. :)
SD: Sir?? You want me to keep the name of the serial as urine.
TR (slightly tensed) : Dei, Moothiramum uppu,
Samuthiramum uppu,
Thaaikulangaloda kanneerum uppu,
Quarter adichaa varum mappu,
Ithu theriyalainna un kannathila vizhum appu,
Aei Dandanakka, aei danakku dakkaan.

Dei, sir oda numerologynaala naan en katchi paera LA.THI.MU.KA vilurunthu ippo LATHI.MU.KA nnu maathikkittaen daa.

SD: Aiyiyyae… sir, unga kanakku thappaa varuthae??
Me: No cross questions. Fees koduthuttu abase aayikko.

Audience: *clap* *clap*

Me signing off for now!! :)

Where art Thou, Music Maestros??

2006-09-06T01:21:00.000-07:00

"Buthi ulla Manitharellaam vetri kaanbathillai,
Vetri petra manitharellaam Buthisaali illai"

An old song goes like this. This song was sung by Chandrababu, a comedian/ character artiste in Tamil industry of yore. The meaning is, "Not all those who have brains win, And not all those who win are brainy." I am missing those type of songs nowadays. These are the songs which soothe you. They kinda relax you. Those days, a lot of importance was given to the lyrics. The music always underplayed in the songs. And look at the songs we have nowadays.

"Keeya Meeya keeya meeya keeya meeya re,
Kozhi kari soup samaichu vanthaalae"

Seriously, can anyone give me the meaning of that crap..... makes me think, "Maybe I can write better lyrics??" Almost all songs start with, "Danakku dakkun danakku dakkun......" Even Melodies, of today have an underlying bass effect, which is refreshing for somedays but then gets a tad irritating. If one song becomes a hit, the musicians think they have got the pulse of people and just go on with them. Plus, an emergence of a lot of discotheques nowadays have increased the demand for all these fast moving songs and remixes. A lot of present day songs are also good, but you cant help feeling a sense of deja vu. "Havent I heard it before??", is the thought that immediately springs to your mind!!

Agreed... even I hear these songs, but when I am going thru a period of turbulence, I always go back to the melodies of yesteryears. Suits me better!!

TRAILS OF LUV - 2

2006-08-30T22:07:00.001-07:00

Ok, here we go again…. This one is a sort of continuation to my previous poem and hence the title. Again a short one….

Loads of work beckoned me,
But thoughts of her set me free,

Any sounds of laughter that I hear,
Always tells me that she is somewhere near,

With her, I was full of glee,
That was until she left me,

I wanted one last word with her and ask her why,
But when I looked up, I got no response from the sky!!

--> G@\E$#

CAT FEVER

2006-08-21T02:35:00.001-07:00

CAT is around the corner and almost everyone’s been bitten by the CAT fever nowadays. So I thought I would pitch in by posting a CAT question in my blog. This article is related to logical reasoning. Logical reasoning plays a very important part in CAT exams. They test whether you will be able to deduce complete info from the facts given in the question. If you are a big fan of Vijayakanth, Vijay, Rajinikanth, Dhanush, Simbu, Sunny Deol, Junior NTR, Balakrishna (phew, lets face it…. It is logically impossible to give the entire list :) ) and lap up their movies without paying any heed to the logical flaws, this will be the section you need to spruce up a bit. Questions are like these:

If A has been sleeping with D, the spouse of C, who is in turn friends with B, the spouse of A, and A’s mom is romancing C’s dad, what will be the relation between A and D? This particular question is related to Family Tree. (zoober family!!)

Now if you have watched KANK, the answer will strike u in a flash, that A and D are soul mates and are destined to be husband and wife after crying bucket loads. If you are from Chennai, you will think that A and D are sole mates. :). But since, not many will have the patience and sanity to endure KANK, they will be dazed by the question. Whatever, this is what CAT is all about. (No, it’s not about KANK). You need to have your options clear, which will make your CAT exam easier and better.

Neways, here is my question. Get ready with your paper and pen. Even if you are not taking CAT, this will do u good in sharpening your intellectual skills.

A foto of 4 women has been given below. If Ayesha is to the extreme right in the pic, and Fathima is in between Fazeena and Parveen, what is the color of Fathima’s skin?? FYI, There are no visual rounds in CAT. This is just a sample. Scroll down to see the foto and answer.

If anybody knows the answer, plz post it in the comments section!! :)

P.S: CAT has some more sections like Verbal ability, Analytical questions, etc. Questions from other sections will be up soon. :)

Random Ramblings!!

2006-08-13T23:41:00.000-07:00

It has been a year now, well almost a year, since I have come to Bangalore. Its been a love-hate relationship with Bangalore. I hate it because of the traffic (will the govt change the name to TRASSIC?? I am sick of it.) and the high rents. Chennai or better still, Salem is paradise. The owner of the pg I was living in got around 80 k per month, that too, tax free money.

Reasons for loving the place?? Lotsa reasons. The way people interact with each other, the way ppl don’t shy away from off color jokes, the malls, the pubs (without which this one year would have been dreary!!). People here are very friendly, and if u don’t make any friends, u are either a dumbo or a hardcore… lemme complete :) introvert!! For ppl who don’t have friends, don’t worry. I will introduce u to a wonder boy. That guy is a maverick in establishing networks. What say, Sriki?? :)

Before coming to Bangalore, my friend set 2 objectives in life.
1) Get a bike
2) Get a Date

Now the poor guy’s bank balance is so low that, save a bike, he cant get a cycle also. As for a date, the nearest he could get his hands on were a pack of lion dates. :)

Conversing with a Banglorite is very simple. You just need to know a bit of Engliphish. Plus, the following words: Dude, Bugger, Awesome, I mean…., Chick (don’t go for the tamil meaning :) ). Insert the above words as many times as possible into ur sentences. Most commonly used profanities are B**tard and f*** off. Use them against a guy u are close with. Remember the times we used to say, “dei, okka makka, inga vaa daa!!” Also the more the dudes in ur sentences, the more hep u are. In tamil, if you used to remark, “Machi, padam pattaasa irunthathu”, then its, “Dude, the pic was awesome man” in Bangalore.

Initially I found Kannada language a bit (??) funny. No hard feelings… coz there are similar words in Tamil with entirely different meanings. Like “Banni” which means “come” in Kannada and “Pig” in Tamil, “saakku” which means “Enough” in kannada and “sack” in tamil, “baekku” meaning “want” in kannada and “Mental case” in Tamil.

Rumor has it that the Godzilla was first sighted in Karnataka. When the firangis sighted the gr8 beast, they asked the local ppl, the name of the beast. The local men replied, “Gothilla” (don’t know)… and it became “Godzilla” :)

Ok, ok…. For ppl exclaiming “saakku, saakku” (“enough enough”), my reply is “Nee thaan baekku.” If it is a gal, take the meaning as per the kannada dialect. If if is a boy, take it as per the tamil dialect.

:) :)

The Newcomer

2006-08-08T22:46:00.000-07:00

The D-Day had at last come. He got up, took a good bath and looked at himself in the mirror. Perfect…. It was his birthday. It was also the day that he was bringing Shyla home. He had spoken to his parents about the same. They had refused at first. He then arranged for them to meet her.

They both agreed that she was lovely and adorable. They had no issue whatsoever. Until then, Shyla had had a sad life. He father had run away after making her mother pregnant. Her mother had died at childbirth. But he didn’t care about the family lineage. Since she was an orphan, he had no problems in bringing her to his house.

He reached the area where she presently lived. “Shy….” She came running into his arms even before he could finish. “Ready to come to my house?” he asked her.

“Yip, Yip”, replied Shyla, the puppy. It was a perfect birthday for 10 year old Raju. :)

No clue!!

2006-08-03T07:06:00.000-07:00

Damn!! No clue, these days on what to blog!! Blogger's block, maybe?? Neways, thought of posting this one long time back.... was contemplating coz the persons involved are known to me very much!! neways, here goes....

The following is a mail transcript. Read the sentences in bold, from bottom to top....

yyy: hey sorry man, it was supposed to be a mail only then will u reply and tat was sent yesterday to catch ur eyes......for the pure craziness in that as i came late yesterday and didn't know if u ave

xxx:How am I supposed to know? Ask yourself
- xxx

yyy: Hey xxx, have i come to office today or what?

Now if someone cud interpret what yyy wanted to say?? :)

and for ppl who think,"Gawd, this is a very lame post".... will be back with another short story soon!! Plz wait maadiiiiii!!!! :)

Statutory warning: Some of the forthcoming articles might contain liberal amount of profanities....

Is Everything Ok??

2006-07-21T04:09:00.000-07:00

As he boarded the bus, he couldn’t believe his luck. There was only one empty seat. He would be seated next to his class babe. He thanked all his lucky stars and sat down, all set to savor the one hour drive to his college. No sleeping in the bus today. He had slept adequately in the night.

He sat down in his seat and turned to smile at her. He noticed that her eyes were wet. He didn’t expect that. He immediately turned and began to ponder, “What might be the problem? She has a boyfriend. Maybe some issue between them? Maybe her parents have found out that matter? Wait a minute. The semester results are out. Maybe she has scored very low in some subject or worse, she could have flunked!! Whatever, she is my class mate and it is my duty to console her. Maybe, she will take a liking to me.”

“Shilpa, what’s the……” As she turned towards him, she yawned and her eyes became wetter. “Yes Karthik, you called me?” “He he, Hi Shilpa, what’s the time?”

Good thing that only he could hear his heart going "DUMEEL" :)

Twisted Logic

2006-07-13T01:55:00.000-07:00

I watched as my cousin walked into the house. He had a big smile on his face. He had reasons to be. He had come third in the class. He showed the medal to me. I congratulated him and wished him all the best for the forthcoming exams. Ditto with his mother. He rushed to his father when he came from office and told him the news. But he was not pleased and told him that he wanted him to come first in the class. “But appa, even Sharat has scored marks below me. Only Vimal and Raju have scored more than me.” “Appu, we should not see the people below us. We should always look at the people above us and get inspired” was the retort given by my uncle. Appu was first disappointed that his dad did not congratulate him, but then reconciled. I played a game of cricket with him to cheer him up.

The following weekend, we went shopping. Appu wanted a pair of shoes. His pair was becoming old. “Appa, I want a pair of shoes. My pair is getting old.” “Your old pair is in good condition, Appu. Lets get them repaired so that it is better.” “Appa, please get me Nike shoes. Sharat got them as a gift from his parents. He let me wear them. They feel good.” My uncle led him to a road side shack and repeated the oft repeated words, “Look at them, Appu. They don’t even have a decent set of clothes and you want a pair of expensive shoes.”

Appu replied back, “But Appa, only you told me that we should not look at people below us, but get inspired by people above us. So why don’t you get inspired by Tata Birla?” I gave a smirk which unfortunately, was noticed by my uncle. Appu got a sharp slap for talking back to my uncle. But the point had been made. That incident made me think.

Is it wrong for children to talk back to their parents? What was wrong in Appu saying that? He just repeated the same words to my uncle. Shouldn’t we credit our children when its due instead of saying crap, thinking that it might encourage them to study harder? What kind of twisted logic is this??

GUILTY PLEASURES!!

2006-06-26T20:39:00.000-07:00

As she walked out of the bed, she couldnt help noticing the fact that she had become a bit plump. She examined herself in the mirror, and observed the growing bulge in her abdomen. This shouldnt have happened at all. What would her husband, who was now in the US for 5 months, tell her? Would he ever forgive her?

She still remembered that fateful day, around 4 months bach. They had become acquainted then. There had existed an easy chemistry between them. Though she had resisted then, she couldnt resist the temptation and gave in to that guilty pleasure. It had been one heady night. One encounter led to the other, with the interval between the encounters, constantly decreasing. Now the inevitable had happened.

She walked back to the bed and caressed the reason for her present situation. Should she or shouldnt she? She made up her mind and resolved that it would be the last time that they came together for that day.

She then took a gr8 swig from her beer bottle. :)

She enrolled in a gym later that day, to get rid of her beer belly!! :D

TRAILS OF LUV

2006-06-05T06:01:00.000-07:00

Tried my hand at Poetry.... Here is the result. Too short though. Who knows, maybe this might be the stepping stone to creating an epic like MahaBharatha one day. :D Pity poor Vyasa.

"For the whole world, I was without care,
When you came across as a whiff of fresh air.

Enjoyed those long telephonic talks,
And those romantic evening walks.

Remember that day, u had dinner at my house,
and tried hard not to make a fuss.

Those days when we stealthily went to movie halls,
And after that trying to cover up, making stories ridiculously false.

Maybe it was destined that You were for me,
But as usual, God's plans are awry.

Today, as you slowly dissolve in the river,
I ask, "why not me?", to the giver "

-- G@|\|E$#

Marriage Alliance Blues....

2006-05-22T21:38:00.000-07:00

All who have gone thru Matrimonials of Hindu or any other paper would have come across these ads.

"Wanted Girl for INNOCENT Divorcee, aged 35, 176 cms, working in an MNC. Girl should be working. Blah, blah... and it goes on until u come to the last line, "Widows and Divorcees, plz excuse"

Previously I thought, maybe Innocent means, the guy doesnt know how to make out with his wife..... ;-). Then I got the meaning that Innocent means that he didnt initiate the divorce proceedings, but his Ex-wife did; which just substantiates my inital understanding of the whole damn thing. :-)

But then the last line has always irritated me. "Widows, Divorcees, plz excuse"..... WTF?? He could have better advertised as "Only VIRGINS allowed". How will it be in this country if it was the other way round.... a girl advertising that way? No doubts, he will eventually get a girl who is desparate to get married because of her economic status. But how much more Narrow minded can U get? Is it because he doesnt want to live together with some one who isnt a virgin? Or is it because he hates the thought that his wife to be, has been with someone else for all these years? The girl he marries might be only 25 yrs old, and he would expect her to take care of his child, and also beget a child. People might say that it was not he but his parents who advertised that way..... Hullo, ppl, grow up. He has got a brain. He should use it.

Anyway, just have a real life incident which I thought I would share with U all. One of my family friend's wife died due to heart failure. He has a daughter aged 14. His parents wanted him to marry for the sake of his daughter. He agreed and they advertised in the usual way. He reprimanded them and started searching for a bride himself. Through common contacts he came to know that a lady had lost her husband in an accident. She has a son. He approached her and asked her. Initially reluctant, she then agreed and they got married. They have an understanding that they are not going to have more kids. His parents were livid at first, but now they are gradually beginning to patch up. As a result, the kids have both, maternal and financial care.

Thats it for now.... cya, all!!

EVAM!!!!

2006-05-11T21:41:00.000-07:00

Shud have written this a month back!! But was busy in my office with all the orkutting and other useful stuff!! :-) anyway, better late than never.

Lemme start with the place it took place. The play took place in Rangashankara Hall, JP Nagar. It took us some half an hour to find that place, inspite of being accompanied by a Bangalore buddy!! The place was very strict in timings, and they had mentioned that doors would be closed after the scheduled time and NO REFUNDS!! As we had gone on a weekday, we got good center seats. The hall was very good and it had a nice posh ambience.

Coming to the play, it was a complete laugh riot. The oneliner goes like this, "LOVE AT SECOND SIGHT". It is abt a divorcee and a widower getting together. Dialogues like, "Your nose is suffering from a jet lag, George" and "That is a great body. Male or Female. Uh, Dunno, I am watching the rear end" had us all in splits. Cant go in depth here, as the humor is all circumstantial. But my friend was sore that there were no gr8 romances in the film. His wish was also granted with two kisses. :-) The female lead was a complete hottie, and had our attention till the very end. ;-) The lead actors were all good with the one playing the friend character, THE BEST!!

The play did drag a bit in the later half, but that can be excused. On the whole, I would give it 9/10.

P.S: To top it all, I got a surprise gift; A stress buster.

In the line of Anniyan and Indian.....

2006-03-28T20:04:00.000-08:00

Being a family guy :), I always go home on weekends. While I was on my way back to Bangalore this Sunday, the bus I was traveling in stopped at a restaurant somewhere near Hosur. Not having anything worthwhile to do in the bus had made me hungry, and so I got down to get a biscuit packet and a bottle of water. To my dismay, I found out that the cost of everything was Rs. 3 more than the MRP. Not wanting to encourage these guys (you see, movies like Anniyan and Indian had not been wasted on me); I walked back to the bus in hunger. I noted down the name of the hotel, and contemplated legal action against these guys.

Cut to one week back….. I walked out of Higginbothams in dismay. The book I had been waiting for had come. But the price was damn exorbitant. It was in the tune of one thousand rupees. As I walked around MG road, I saw the book in a road side stall. He asked two hundred rupees. Not wanting to give in so easily, I bargained with him, until he agreed to give the book for a hundred rupees. I walked out of MG road, a happy man!!

That one made me think, “ Am I a straightforward person, an uthama purushan?? What about the countless number of clandestine copies of MP3 songs?? Do we have the cash to get original copies??” I went back to that shop and got a biscuit packet and a bottle of water. I felt guilty no more. As Dilbert said, "In life, U either get to be the pigeon or the statue".
Of course, you people can say that I was plain hungry!! :)

and U mite have your own opinions on this issue. Will b glad to hear them out!!