Chronicles of an Amateur

Following the uproar over the kissing of Ms. Shetty by Gere, Hon. Judge Dinesh Gupta has ordered the arrest of Ms. Shetty and Gere. He had termed the act as “Sexually erotic”. Then will a liplock be full blown porn??, me wonders!! :) Neways my company, which has recently branched out into various divisions including the medical field, was quick to identify this as an acute case of “Inflammo Stomachiosis”, which can be best simplified as “stomach burn”. Regarding this, my company’s antacid, U-No’s high profile ads will start rolling on the screen in the near future. The horrible, sorry, honorable magistrate has agreed to act in this ad, as long as I don’t say a particular phrase, that being “in top gear”. :)

The ad will involve the magistrate doing a jingle which goes thus,

“You can miss and

You can kiss, But,

I won’t hiss,

I am just going for a small piss^*

* Drinking too much of U-no will create an urge to piss. [RTI Act, 2006].

Btw, This jingle was penned by our very own Karadi king, T.Rajendar who proved that he can talk, walk and eat English, here

The ads will be extended to accommodate Salman, Viveik (Refer the pics and the jingles below) and maybe Abhishek (in the future). Neways, our sales executives indicate that almost all the critics, who watched Aishwarya’s insufferable “Are you like, checking me out?” dialogue in Dhoom II have ordered U-no in wholesale quantities.

For now the ads are to be screened in India. It was originally intended that considering the muslim countries’ tradition, Ms. Shetty will wear a full pardah and then Gere will kiss her. But Ms. Shetty has declined the offer stating that she being proud of her body, (we too Shetty, we too :)) believes in Maximum and not Minimum exposure. Thanks a lot Shetty!!

The jingles for Salman, Viveik and Abhishek are as follows:

Don’t worry Salman,

Come on, Be a man

Stand tall, after all Viveik,

She didn’t give a fuck :)!!

But what to say, Abhishek

I dunno, U might get a heartache!!

============================================================
Thats it for now, Cya guys!! If it was too much of a mokkai, please bear with me!! :)

Labels: Random...., WTF

1) Is Fair and Lovely to be used for the face/hands or for the whole body??

2) If only for the face/hands, wont you be scared when u see a two toned guy/ girl?? (Dont ask me when!! :P)

PS: This is a Too Much!!

"We have given him the goat, and as far as we know they are still together," Mr Alifi said.

seriously, What the fuck!! :-D

Labels: WTF

This is my LKG class's group foto. Any guesses as to where I am in this foto?? :-)

Labels: Nostalgia

Dinesh was seated at the marriage hall. He was quite old now. He was 33. He looked into the crowd and saw his best friend Ravi standing in the front. He was the best man. He could still remember the conversation he had with Ravi one day.


"Dei, the new beatsar has hit the market now. You should have waited for some more time. Then you could have bought this. Instead you have the old model", Ravi told him. "Its okay da. I am perfectly happy with the bike I bought. Cell phones, Bikes, Wives etc are all the same. You wish that you could have waited for a better model. Its ok.... If this goes on, I will never get married. You can always lend me yours." "Dei, what are you talking about?" "I meant your bike and not your wife, silly!! "Thank God.... :)"


He looked at his bride and smiled at her. Maybe he could get a better bride, and again maybe not. Anyway, he had to start a family soon.


She returned his smile. After all, even she had bought a hooty just before the hooty hep was launched!! :)

Labels: Story

Warning: Not for the conservatives. So if u are one, plz dont read it and then pass comments about my good goody nature!! :)

What is the best way to vent one's anger?? Physical or verbal?? There is a saying in Tamil that physical wounds will heal, but the verbal wounds will make a very deep cut in the other person. But nowadays, I feel that our jobs have made us spineless enough to bear the bad words.

My profanities started with the harmless "Naayae, paeyae" (Dog and ghost). I reckon my best friend was at the receiving end always. I always kept profanities to a minimum, save for that occasional muttering of naayae and paeyae. It was my friend Madhusudhan who told me that the worst bad word was fucker. Pardon us, the misguided souls that we were, for we were in our 5th standard then. Profanities for me has come a long way since then, and I have used almost all words right from the common "bastard" to words that might make steam come out of some people's ears.

But these days, I prefer keeping things simple. I just say "Fuck off".

PS: Why do some bad words refer to private parts and sexual acts?? Coz its considered taboo and dirty?? Then why dont we say "U crazy left hand" as we use it to clean ourselves?? ;-P

Labels: Random...., WTF