Chronicles of an Amateur

I recently got a mail from my relative/ friend who was explaining the s/w business cycle to me. I found it funny, and so here it is, in my blog, with his permission

Story of IT development

External Business: We need Mangoes

It Analyst Specs: Yellow colour fruit with seed in the center about 300 gms each

IT Dev Design: Ahhh!! it’s a big orange that’s what they need, the spec mistakenly spelt it as ‘seed’ instead of ‘seeds’, see this is exactly the same thing we gave our previous customer :)

IT Top mgmt: Now this is what we call cost saving because of reuse of code…as per our management strategies…Blah…Blah…Blah….we’ll save literally all the money in making it

IT Test: Test the seed…test the color…….test the wt…..if all are right, pass it…even if it is a small watermelon, that is fine

Finally to the customer: Over ripe water melon.... :)

Customer….Sheepishly, waw!! we got a new product we never new we wanted…thanks

IT top mgmt: Please pay for a Mango, Orange and a watermelon

Customer: wh…wha….what?

IT top Mgmt: But U r bound by the legal agreement to do so…

Customer: well thanks…herez Ur cheque (We’ll pretend to the world that we really made a smart decision of computerizing some thing, Ur’s is a great company "fill in the company motto", we only asked for a mango and look we got a 3 in 1…now that’s value for money U see….we have to say this lest we’ll look like fools to everybody)

Moral:

The only people creating the revenue in the IT industry are the legal experts J…no wonder we never get an ‘Exceeded’ in our appraisals, we got to be High class conmen or Legal goons to make revenue impact to qualify for an ‘exceeded’ rating ;)

Labels: Random

The news is out at last!! After a few months, you will be able to see people at work (??) (Sat-Work ) even on Saturdays. The reason is that, since the rupee is strengthening, it is essential that ppl work on Saturdays to compensate. But what do the software people think about this? Read on…..

“This is fantastic news. This will help me in achieving my goal. I am already in the last stage of that. By any chance, do you know how to play the last stage in Max Payne? It’s tough playing it when the manager is looking at you” a free pooler for the last eight months said this.

“Yes….. yes…… yes yes yes yes …………..yes yes yes yes …….yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes. From now on, all the lovebirds will have one day less to be together. I am constantly annoyed by the bickering of these people in MG road, etc. Plus, on Saturdays, these people will use the company phone to chat for hours, thereby depleting the office resources also. One stone, two mangoes, hah”, a guy remaining single for 8 years remarked rather strongly.

“Fortunately, I have no such issues. My gal is in this company only. Guess along with the company, I have also acted with foresight. Now if only, I can move to the same project………..”, the guy’s voice wistfully trailed off.

“This is an outrage. We will not accept this. Movies like RDB have not been wasted on us. We will start an sms and email campaign using the same office resources. We will not accept any call on Saturday, except Nature’s call”, the first voice of protest broke out.

“I have been coming to the office on Saturdays all these days. But I have been reimbursing the amount all these years. So my vote depends on the reimbursement factor”, remarked the guy who has reportedly bought a car and is contemplating a house with the reimbursement amount.

“Frankly, I don’t see what the fuss is about. Why should people crib about working? I have been doing this for the last ten years. I have always been providing support to my people”, a senior guy told us. That the senior guy does not work even on weekdays, but only provides support, is a different case.

S&M gets gay!!

The S&M people at the service companies were overjoyed to hear this news. Err… S&M means Support & Maintenance. Don’t think otherwise.

“All this while, the development people thought low about the Support group. Now on, we will be there in the office, jobless as always, but we will see to it that we drive the point home with the dev guys. Think about the pleasures that we will get. No customer will be there in the office to give us work, whereas the dev guys will be slogging as always”, a guy jubilantly remarked.

Various people, various reactions…. What next??

--Aasaami, Thamaasu TV

Labels: Random, WTF

Venue: A Popular Restaurant
Seating Place: Prime

A woman at the counter, with her guy beside her

A: That female is looking good, (the other two take a look and reply in the affirmative). But that guy looks like a dummy. Avanukkellaam ipadi amaiyuthu.....

B: That dummy is the one who made her a mummy. So keep quiet.

A: But hey, they keep looking uneasily at others. Something fishy, really fishy....

C: Probably, its his neighbour's wife.....

Loud laughter ensued. Ah, it is sessions like these that invigorate the mind!! :)

Got back home to find out that D is doing a great service to the telephone industry, well, AIRTEL!! One missed call from that someone, and D will disappear for a long time!! Hmmm.... everyone's settling down.....

* --> Names coded to protect privacy!! :)

Labels: Random

PS: This is not my gyan, but my friend's, who doesnt want to be named!!

Labels: Gyan

“Thank you, Thank you”. He felt odd shouting these words to the very thing that irritated him. Maybe even you would, if you were in his shoes. He wouldn't have uttered these words even if he was in an intoxicated state. He didn’t know whether to attribute his particular trait to atheism but he got irritated when he heard the clanging of a bell. One “clang” was enough for him to get irritated, and that was the reason he shunned temples. But life is generally not fair. It never is, to some people. You wish for the best, but life thinks otherwise. As the saying goes, “Nobody dies a virgin; Life screws everybody”. It puts you in a position that you normally avoid. That’s why it placed him in Pizza Hut. There it went, a “clang” again, and a “Thank you” with a beaming smile again.

Labels: Story

He looked out through the curtain as his son led his friends out of the house. He could see them arguing with him. What could his son do? He had asked his son to make his friends to leave.

“Dei, sorry da. My parents are quite conservative da. They don’t like my friends staying with me, as I have a sister. Very sorry da, but I cant help it. Don’t mistake me da.” “Machi, whats the problem with your dad? She is like a sister to us. Why doesn’t he understand? Anyway, hope he understands one day. Cya for now”

He walked into his room, with a wry smile. That incident, which took place 20 years ago, was still etched in his mind. Times had changed. He had a daughter now

Labels: Story

Warning: Contains some sexual innuendos!!

As some people would have known, I had been to Hyderabad on a week’s leave. The prospect of not working for a week is an ultimate pleasure for a corporate, mental, that is!! ;) It was an awesome trip, and I got to visit all the tourist spots in and around Hyderabad. Golconda fort, Salarjung museum, Ramoji film city, Charminar. Of all the spots that I went, I liked Golconda fort and Salarjung museum. But I missed out on the Lights show in the fort. :(, where different parts of the fort are lit with accompanying music. Official vilakku pidichufying, U see!! It is supposed to be an awesome spectacle!! :(

But the part that struck me was a gigantic swimming pool, with a fountain bang in the middle. That was supposed to give out rose water. The reason why I am going to such details is because; this is the pool where a king used to swim with his….. hold your breath, 360 wives!! :) I guess the benevolent king wanted to increase India’s population at the risk of losing his life!! 365 days in a year, with 5 days of official leave = 360 wives.

Salarjung museum was different. It houses 2 floors of extensive and exquisite antiques collected by Salarjung 3. A must watch is the Veiled Rebecca and one more statue where the front side is a male and the back side is a female. The Veiled Rebecca is simply superb. A statue of a female with a veil on her face, everything is marble. I am still unable to decide whether the veil and the statue are separate, even though the plaque says so. Everything is white except for a mole on the thigh. Another thing that caught my eye was a walking stick. It had a small statue in a bent posture on the handle. My relative pointed the statue to us, and said, “Hey look, a man on the walking stick”. It took a discerning eye to realize the truth (mine of course), and I told them, “Uh, it’s a woman”. :).

Enter a room full of paintings, and we were amazed at the collections. I guess Salarjung 3 must have the most number of nudes in his collection. I can see some people giggling, but I can honestly tell you that you wouldn’t find them offensive at all. It was very aesthetic!! I mentally chose 3 paintings that I would have liked in my house. But me being a “Sala, Junk”, I doubt if my house will ever have those type of paintings. :(

Last but not the least, there was a gigantic clock in the hall in the ground floor. It houses 2 miniature men. One man banging a drum for the seconds, and one more man who comes out through a door and rings a bell every hour. The number of times he rings the bell is proportional to the time. That was very good.

Every other spot was good, from Charminar to Ramoji Film city. A week to be cherished certainly!! :)

Labels: Trips